When it burns
by Breeyar98
Summary: Two years after Voltaire s death Kai returns to New York after old and hidden secrets are dragged to the surface in a media frenzy. He meets old friends and foes, all the while trying to rebuild a broken existence . Does Voltaire s control over him extend beyond the grave? KaiX? Rated M with reason - sequel to "Untouchable"
1. Prologue

**Authors note: Here we go, the prologue of the sequel to "Untouchable". There will be a pairing in this, so if you guys have any wishes let me know. Anyway, this starts off two years after the events of "Untouchable". Kai has been in Morocco up until now, and one life changing event forces him to return:)**

**READ THIS! THE PROLOGUE IS CHANGED SO PLEASE REREAD!**

**REVIEWS? PLEASE...**

* * *

**.**

**When it burns**

**Prologue **

"_The most tangible of all visible mysteries – fire"_

_-Leigh Hunt_

**_._**

* * *

Looking back on everything that has happened I will acknowledge that I have changed. For the better or the worse, I am not the same person I used to be. All the same the term different is something relative, which might be why I am still bitter, still angry, still furious.

I suppose I never really gave the future much thought. Not really. Not in the sense that I actually tried to picture my own sense of self in the aftermath of grandfather´s death. I had always imagined the change to be absolute; something infinite and mind blowing.

But no. I was still the same Kai Hiwatari. A tad more independent perhaps, definitely much richer, and I had obtained my ultimate goal; freedom. But still, I was no different. I was not like Rey and Tyson and the others. Simply put; I was not normal. I was what he had wanted me to be.

Two years had passed since that fateful day when the mansion burned down. The day I killed grandfather out of mercy, because he begged me for it. So unlike the grand, vicious and just gesture I had always imagined it would be, his death had instead taken a twisted and complicated turn. Rather than a clean, simple act of retribution it had become something far more complex, which was probably why I couldn´t find it in myself to forget. He had ordered me to kill, and I obeyed, out of mercy…..or merely because he had asked me?

I still hated him, still regarded him with a sense of deep, almost unfathomable loathing. 16 years of my life gone, wasted in that hell hole underneath Balcov Abby. Years upon years upon years; something I would never get back no matter how hard I fought for it. There are some things even the jaguar cannot defeat; time is unfortunately one of them. The Abby would always be a part of who I was, even if I wanted nothing more than too destroy the place.

The electric blue sea was glittering when I looked at it, the foaming waves washing over my bare feet. It was still early in the morning, and I was watching the sun rise, feeling melancholy. I sometimes wondered why I had returned here, to Morocco. Of course, it represented something quite different than the Abby, but it also held memories, some which were tied to grandfather, others that were of a more pleasant nature. Perhaps that was my problem to begin with, that I could´t quite force myself to leave him behind. Even if he was dead I could still feel his presence.

I was so much like him. Both in mind and appearance. We had the same eyes, the same ruthless, analytical intelligence, the same stubborn resolve. And yet we were still so very different, at least that was what I desperately convinced myself to believe. You are in denial, I reminded myself somewhat bitterly. But then again how could I not be, after all that which had happened. Sometimes the truth will tear you apart, unless you chose not acknowledge it.

A crescendo of purple, scarlet and sunflower yellow washed over the sky as I watched, and I got to my feet, leisurely stretching. My surf board was perched precariously in the sand nearby, and I zipped up the wetsuit with practiced ease, inhaling deeply. The refreshing smell of saltwater and crisp morning air helped, and my previously bad mood dissolved in an instant.

My feet sunk into the dense sand as I grabbed the board, running towards the sea with renewed enthusiasm. The beach was completely empty. Only me, the board and the wonderful, treacherous ocean that stretched out before my eyes, vast and everlasting. I splashed out into the water, running as far as I got before getting on the board, quickly making my way further out, towards were the sun was bathing the sea in a thousand hues of orange, red and purple.

This was a routine. Every morning I would be up almost in the middle of the night, run down the cliffs, to this remote place that only I knew about. My place. And then I would sit and brood, patiently waiting for the sun before I grabbed the board and went headfirst into the waves. The sensation was divine. The warm light which engulfed everything, the cool water, not yet warmed up by the sun, and of course the huge, bouldering waves.

They were particularly large this morning, and it was a struggle to get far enough out, a challenge which I loved with all of me. In the brief pause between two of the larger waves I stopped paddling, patiently waiting for the right time as another wave rose up before me. One great wall of deep, blue black water, foaming at the edges. I chose my moment with care, timing it perfectly. In one fluid motion I became one with the board, a powerful surge carrying us forward, wind and salt water thundering in my ears.

I could feel the wave move underneath me, and I followed, effortlessly matching its every move. There was something about surfing which had me utterly enticed, something that kept me from losing interest like I normally did. It was something about living on the edge, about facing the unpredictability, which appealed to me. I could´t quite explain it, and furthermore I did not really feel the need to.

I rode the wave until it died out, and instead go going out once more I paused, lifting the board and exiting the water. A lone figure was standing about 50 meters up the beach, my beach. I knew him, of course I did. He had arrived a few days ago, and he had been following me ever since. We both knew, but I had refused to acknowledge him. I suppose you could call it naivety. Some small part of me had hoped that he would give up and leave. Of course the rational part of me knew that he would do no such thing.

With a sight I slung the board over one shoulder, approaching the small, worn down shed that I had built upon discovering the beach two years ago. I usually kept a few boards in there, just so that I had something to chose from. Soon I might have to build another one. Wind and saltwater spray had taken its toll, and although I always felt oddly satisfied when I looked at the structure I knew that it would´t hold.

I changed into a t´shirt and chopped off, scruffy and worn looking jeans. My favorite pair. I had left my shoes in the car. Feeling the sand against my bare feet was something which pleased me, strangely enough. I grabbed my duffle, carelessly wrapping the wetsuit in a plastic bag and putting it inside. I could dry it properly at home. A slight smile tugged at the corner of my mouth as I gazed out at the sea once more. Yes, this was home.

The lone figure was still standing in that exact same spot, and with reserved irritation I straightened up, approaching him. Somehow he looked exactly the same as two years ago. Sure, he was a little bit taller, his hair was shorter, but he still had the same golden eyes, the sharp cat like teeth. He stared at me, insecure but still determined. I felt oddly touched that he had come here. No one had ever sought me out, not like this. Then again Rey was not like everyone else.

"Happy birthday", he said softly, smiling his slow, familiar smile.

It was the 21st of december, ironically enough the day which the amount of time between sunrise and sunset was the shortest. In other words, the darkest day of the year. Symbolically speaking I suppose the coincidence was fitting, although I wash´t particularly happy about this. Another reason while Morocco appealed to me. Here it was at least still sunny and warm.

"Thank you", I offered, reverting my attention elsewhere as the sun finally reached its destination, bathing the entire beach in light as a new day emerged.

"How are you?" Rey wondered, hesitantly looking up at me.

"Good", I stated, meaning it.

Yes, everything considered I was good, just...good.

He nodded, and I turned around, knowing he would follow as I jogged up towards the nearby road. I had parked the car at my usual spot, in the shadow of a cluster of palm trees. Rey whistled softly, trailing his fingers over the smooth, charcoal colored surface. It was an Audi R8, and I had bought it shortly after arriving in Morocco. I shoot him a withering look, which he merely grinned at, before stepping inside, uninvited. A brief flare of annoyance caused me to tense momentarily, before I shook my head, starting the engine. It was not quite the same as my wonderful 458 in New York, but it was good enough.

A cloud of dust hovered in the air behind us as I followed the old, sandy road back towards the city. My place was located about ten kilometers away from Rabat, one of Moroccos larger cities, built in the cliffs by the sea, just above my little secret beach. Normally I would´t take the car, but I needed groceries, so Rey would just have to tag along. Then again he did not seem to mind. We wandered mindlessly through the markets in the Rabat Medina for about an hour. I bought food and a few other necessities, while Rey merely looked about, completely breathless.

"It is magnificent", he stated, obviously in total awe.

"Hn", I responded offhandedly, inwardly pleased.

Somehow I still valued his opinion. Even if I had not seen him in two years it felt as if we had never been apart, and I marveled at this fact, wondering if he felt the same. He still had a crush on me, and although I found this mildly irritating I did not acknowledge it any further.

I payed, before grabbing a net filled with exotic fruit, and Rey watched me with curiosity as I thanked the man, before proceeding to leave. Here I felt relaxed, at ease, more so than what I used to be in New York. Rey being Rey had of course spotted the difference in behavior, and we drove home in silence. From time to time I could feel his eyes on me, but I focused on the road, ignoring him. I knew why he´d come of course. However I wanted him to say it himself. There was a difference there, at least for me.

"It has been two years Kai, what have you been doing?"

He sounded almost accusing, as if I had done something really stupid. Was he actually chastising me? Me? Kai Hiwatari? The idea almost made me laugh, and I glanced briefly at him. I was driving with the top down and the wind almost tore my words away when I spoke.

"Living", I said, voice barely audible, although I knew he heard.

He looked at me for a long time, and as I slowed down the wind subsided, the sun warming our faces as I parked the car. The traditional Moroccan building was built from sandstone, the entire structure constructed with elegantly arching windows and doorways. A few palms and exotic flowers were neatly arranged by the entrance, and I grabbed my purchases, proceeding to go inside.

Rey remained standing by the car, staring.

"Come home Kai", he said, eyes glinting tenderly.

"Just...come home!"...


	2. Chapter 1

**IMPORTANT! THE PROLOGUE IS COMPLETELY CHANGED; REREAD BEFORE READING THIS CHAPTER!**

**Authors note: Yay! Chapter 1, it is a bit slow, but there will be action soon enough;)**

**REVIEWS? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!?**

* * *

**.**

**When it burns**

**Chapter 1**

**.**

* * *

"His name is Ian", Rei said.

"Ian Papov".

He looked at me, expectantly, almost as if he assumed the name to mean something. Of course it did not ring any bells, and I stared levelly back at him, wondering how a person I did not even know the name of could cause so much trouble. It was almost surrealistic, the fact that Rey was here, after two years, brining unanswered accusations and demands into a life I was so desperately trying to rebuild.

"Courtesy of Lee", he said, handing me what appeared to be a case file.

I did not open it. Perhaps I would read it later, when I was alone. Rey was boring his eyes into mine, trying to force a response. He should know that it was futile, and with a dismissive snort I leaned back in my chair, gaze fixed on the sky.

"Kai, please", Rey said, on the verge of exploding it seemed.

Lee. I wondered what he had told Rey. Clearly not the truth. If he had this conversation would be something entirely different right now. Perhaps Rey would not even have been here. The idea made me uncomfortable. Still, I was grateful. Both for Lee´s warning, and the fact that he had given it to Rey, given me a chance at explaining myself, at least partly. On some level I was also furious with him. He had not given me much choice, something I felt that I deserved. This was after all my life, mine! Not His or Rey´s or anyone else´s.

"I recognize him", I finally said, gesturing at the picture on the table between us.

We were sitting outside on the patio, overlooking the sea. I was taking in the sun, trying to ignore the tinge of anxiousness that was hiding just at the corner of my eyes, while Rey was eating all my exotic fruits. Not that I was particularly bothered. Even if he was a jerk I cared enough not to throw him out.

"You….recognize him?" Rey said, almost disbelieving.

Ian Papov. Yes, of course I recognized him, I merely did not know his name back then. He had been one of many, I had been the big bad wolf, the one no one dared challenge without fearing for their very life. Two years had passed since the scandal surrounding Balcov Abby. Boris was imprisoned, all other ties to grandfather disposed off. At least that was what I had initially assumed. Ian Papov had never been of any interest to me, but clearly I should not have taken this so lightly.

"Kai, look! This guy is planning on going to the media, telling them that you were there, we have to do something!"

Rey sounded agitated, deeply offended on my behalf.

"That I was were?" I inquired, just for good measure, a part of me insanely amused by Rey´s annoyance over my apparent indifference.

"In Balcov Abby Kai!" He almost shouted, incensed.

I stared at him for a long time, considering my options. The last thing I wanted was for the world to know about my bleak and bloody upbringing, the things I had done, the things he had made me do. The thought made something clench deep inside my chest, an old ache returning full force. No, I did not want them to know, I couldn´t let them know. If only for my own piece of mind I couldn´t. The truth hurt like hell. That was why Lee had given me this warning, because he knew, because he, out of all of them…..understood.

"Perhaps it is the truth", I said somewhat mournfully, once again closing my eyes.

Rey was silent for a while, before shifting uncomfortably in his chair.

"I…I…even if it is, do you want…want people to know?"

The silence stretched on for what seemed like an eternity, before I opened my eyes once more, gazing emptily at the ocean.

"No, ….no I don´t".

"Then you have to return to New York", Rey said, his tone sterner than I could remember.

The boy in the picture was staring at me, looking sly and surprisingly ugly. I suppose that was why I remembered him, because he had the largest nose I had ever seen. Combined with his slight, feminine frame he had always been an odd sight. In the Abby his hair had been purple, and I was vaguely surprised that it was now pitch black. I suppose it made him look a little bit better, if only a little.

"How did Lee come about this information?" I asked, sinking further down in the sun chair.

"He works for the government, I wouldn´t know", Rey responded matter of factly.

It was clear that he found my questions to be somewhat misplaced. I suppose he had expected another reaction entirely. Then again he didn´t really know me. Even if we were closer than most no one knew me, not completely, not like…..grandfather. A scowl settled on my features, jaw clenching. This was al his fault. Even in death he seemed to hold all the cards. The chess pieces I had crushed were replaced, and _the game _was once again complicating my life.

"How are the others doing?" I wondered, voice detached, distracting my own trail of thoughts.

Rey watched as I pulled off my t-shirt and rolled over on my stomach on the sunbed, basking in the warmth, only wearing my trunks. The sun was true bliss, and I closed my eyes, concentrating on the sound of water crashing against the cliffs further down. Rey was of course very distracted, and I was mildly amused when he blushed scarlet at my apparent shamelessness.

"They…they are doing fine, worried about you though", he mumbled, biting his lip in badly hidden nervousness.

Rey looked at me, continuing when I made no move to react on his last statement.

"Tyson and Max are good, blading as usual, Kenny is studying computer engineering, in addition to helping the team of course", he trailed off, looking at me.

"And Hilary is also good, she is…she is seeing this guy from church".

I absentmindedly shifted onto my back again, lowering my sunglasses to send him an interested stare.

"From church?"

He shrugged, as if he didn´t understand either.

"Is he good to her?" I asked him, briefly wondering why I cared. Hilary was a good fuck, sure, but other than that she was of no interest to me.

"He is a jerk", Rey declared, annoyed.

I smirked.

"He is treating her well, but he is a jerk".

From church. Although I found the prospect vaguely amusing, I would be the first to acknowledge the fact that she was most likely much better off with him than with me. Somehow I suspected that he wouldn´t make her cry, and I knew I would. I already had. She was nice enough; I merely needed someone more…open. If such a person even existed. Rey was the one who came the closest, but he was a guy, which ultimately ruled him out.

"And you?" I inquired, feeling the tension build in him at the question.

First he looked uncomfortable, then he smiled, a happy smile I noticed with some relief. A purplish blush was creeping up his ears, and I sat up, looking intently at him.

"I….I met someone", he said, excitement evident in his tone.

I smiled, a surprisingly sincere smile. One of those only Rey got.

"I am happy for you", I said, meaning it.

If anyone deserved happiness it was Rey, and this also meant that his crush on me might be subsiding, which was indeed a relief. He returned the smile, nodding, blushing more.

"I want him to meet you, if you return", he added, glancing shyly at me.

Return. There it was again, the million dollar question. Would I return? And if I did, was I prepared to take up the fight against this Ian Papov? In retrospect I had already known what the outcome would be when I approached Rey on the beach. Of course I would return. The jaguar always picks his fights carefully, and this time I wouldn´t back down. Perhaps I am predictable that way, because I rarely shy away from a confrontation, even if this would be more of a subtle one. If he intended to go to the media I would have to return before he did. Otherwise it would seem as if I cared enough to come back only because of him. Naturally I couldn´t have that.

"He is scheduled to appear on the today show next week", Rey responded to my unspoken question.

The today show. Lee had been right in his judgement. Had it been some small unimportant newspaper, but a major news channel. It bothered me that he had decided to go after the truth in such a fashion. I had never done anything to him, so why did he feel it was necessary to drag all this to the surface. Having survived Balcov Abby he couldn´t be a complete idiot after all, and he probably knew that I wouldn´t want people to know about my time spent there.

No, I had to return. Questions had to be answered, and those answers were in New York, not here. I suppose Lee´s newfound respect for me should have been a relief, but after what I had done to him I had difficulty seeing it that way. He was clearly trying to repay me for what I had done at the mansion, but then again I was the one who had gotten him there to begin with. Still, I was grateful that he had not told anyone about what had happened that night, and furthermore that he had brought Ian Papov to my attention.

"We´ll leave tomorrow", I said with finality, standing up and stalking inside.

Tala answered on the first ring, as always anxious to know that I was alright. To my surprise he had become someone I relied on. He was trustworthy, and like Rey he seemed to care for me on a deeper level, even if I was not always the easiest person to be around.

"Something has come up", I stated, my mind already sharp and prepared for what was to come.

"Can you have the jet ready for tomorrow morning?"

"Of course", he immediately said.

"And check out an individual named Ian Papov, you might know him from the Abby. I want all there is to know".

"Potato nose?" Tale inquired, a badly hidden snicker in his voice.

I smirked wolfishly.

"Yes".

"Very well, should I arrange for someone to look after your property in Rabat?" He asked, and I could literally feel my heart sink when I realized that I would actually have to leave.

The silence dragged on for a while before I agreed with a reluctant "Hn".

I hung up. The sense of melancholy was almost overwhelming, and I looked around, taking in the sights, smells and impressions of what had been my first real home. Large arching windows facing the sea, oriental, hand-woven rugs in a variation of reds, maroons and deep orange covering the floors. There was nothing new in there. Everything was handpicked by me, bought at markets and bazars because one way or another I had felt drawn towards it. And thus this fantastic place had gradually started to feel like home.

The room smelled of sea, and I wandered further in, my bare feet sinking into the lush carpets. The staircase to the second floor was spiralling upwards, small, traditionally arching windows giving a terrifyingly beautiful view down towards the cliffs and the treacherous waves. The small house consisted of two floors. A larger first floor and then a second floor with only two rooms, the large master bedroom and a beautifully decorated bathroom in typical Moroccan style, with complicated mosaics in all shades of blues and greens.

I packed light. Just as when I had left two years ago I only brought the essentials. A few clothes, toothbrush, deodorant. The Muramasa was resting peacefully on a display table by the window, and I picked it up, feeling the perfect balance as it melted into my hands.

Again something I should have gotten rid of. It contained so many memories, so much suffering, so much….death. And I still wouldn´t let it go. I gazed thoughtfully at the dragon tsuba, before placing the sword on a chair by the door, on top of the duffle. Perhaps there were some things I needed to remember.

That night I left Rey to his own devices. I spent most of the afternoon in the medina, memorizing everything one last time before I left. Despite myself I bought a couple of new carpets, some Moroccan spices, just a few things I could bring with me. Something to remind me of home while I was away. I ate dinner at a local place, and then I went surfing into the early hours of the morning, the moon providing the only light.

Rey met me on my way in, soaked in saltwater and wearing only the wetsuit. He blushed profoundly at the sight, and I went straight in the shower. We ate breakfast in silence, dates, Moroccan bread from the market and grilled salmon from yesterdays dinner. And just like that it was time, and I closed the shutters on the windows facing the sea, locking the door with obvious regret.

"I am glad you are coming", Rey said, clearly aware of my reluctance as I slung my bag into the backseat of the car.

I didn´t answer him, but secured the Muramasa in between the front seats, the cotton wrapped handle facing the sky. Rey looked at it with a combination of wonder and unease, and with one last look at my wonderful little place by the sea I backed the car up, leaving my safe haven behind.

It took most of my self-control not to look back; instead I watched the small, sandstone building disappear in the rear-view mirror, along with the dark ocean. And then it was gone, forcing my attention back to the road as we speeded along the dirt trail, headed for the highway and then the airport.

The sleek, cream coloured company yet was already refuelled and waiting when we arrived, and Morocco disappeared a bit to fast for my liking, hidden beneath fluffy white clouds. When New York appeared beneath us 7 hours later I was still feeling preoccupied and anxious, and although my face was void of all emotion my insides were raging. When the plane touched down it was late afternoon, and I grabbed my stuff from the flight attendant, Rey scrambling to catch up as I strode purposefully down the ramp.

I silently thanked Tala, smiling for the first time in days as I spotted the Ferrari waiting just outside the plane. It looked striking and aggressive, its slanted headlights blinking a couple of times when I pressed the button on the key. What a machine! With badly hidden excitement I gently touched the emblem of the prancing horse on my way past, before entering on the drivers side.

Rey barely had the time to put his seat belt on before we blasted out of the airport, a few people dressed in yellow overalls directing us towards the parking lot and then the highway.

The car was just as I remembered. Temperamental, eager, sensitive on the steering; a beast. Rey held tightly onto his seat most of the way, his knuckles whitening as I made a particularly nasty turn up the driveway to my house.

"Jeez Kai, I should get a medal for surviving that", he mumbled, staggering out of the car, face pale.

"It is a Ferrari", I simply said, as if that explained everything, and Rey looked at me, smiling.

We stared at each other, and he seemed suddenly unsure. Like I was some big jungle cat ready to rip his throat out at any moment. Perhaps I was.

"Would you like to come in? Say hi to the others and stuff?" He wondered, hesitantly tugging at the hem of his jacket.

"Perhaps I can come for breakfast", I allowed, voice serious.

With that I turned, proceeding to unlock the door, I could feel his presence behind me, by the car. Why did he not leave? He never left I realized. I suppose that was why I valued him, because one way or another he never left. Strange I pondered, how I actually considered him a friend. How he had gone after me, even though I had been gone for two years, leaving without even the slightest hint of goodbye. I sent him an appreciative look.

"Thank you", I slowly said, before going inside, closing the door behind me.

Tala had arranged for someone to clean the house, remove dust blankets from the furniture, and said person had even been considerate enough to fill the fridge. I helped myself to some orange juice before sitting down by the kitchen island. At the back of my mind I could vaguely recall leaving a suit hanging over one of the stools, but it was gone now, and I realized just how impersonal this place actually was.

I wandered mindlessly through the rest of the house the remainder of the day, looking, touching, brooding. Deep down I regretted turning down Rey´s offer, but I was too proud to go over there after declining in the first place. In Morocco I had mostly been on my own. Every no and then I had a fling with some random girl on vacation, but otherwise I kept to myself. There I had preferred being alone, because even if there were no other people present I still had the waves, the sea, the wind. This entire building felt hollow, empty, and when I went to bed that evening I couldn´t sleep.

Ian Papov I reminded myself, that was why I was here. The faster he was dealt with, the faster I could return home. With a sigh I grabbed the case file from the nightstand, turning on the light. It was 4 O´clock in the morning. Time to start working on the problem at hand…


	3. Chapter 2

**Authors note: Chapter 2, and some action at the end;) **

**And please please REVIEW!**

**KirayHimawari: You are back! Fantastic, you have no idea how happy I was to see your reviews today! Yup, Ian Papov, I figured he would make a nice "villain", even though I have never really explored his character much. As for Kai and Rey I have actually been playing with the idea, if Kai gets too drunk or something, but I suppose we´ll just see! Thank you so much for two absolutely awesome reviews! :D**

* * *

**.**

**When it burns**

**Chapter 2**

**.**

* * *

"_Look at me", the voice was silky smooth, dangerously soft and sweet, with a sharp undertone._

_There was a brief silence in which no one moved. The stone floor was cold and dense, and in the corners small pools of water were now frozen. It was winter outside. Perhaps if I behaved he would take me so that I could see the snow. _

"_Look at me!" The voice sneered, all honey and sugar gone when I had not responded immediately. _

_This time I did as I was told, fearfully staring up at him. His large frame loomed over my slight one, and I swallowed, nervously biting my lip as he scrutinized me. Steel like mahogany eyes stared down at me, cold and unforgiving. Part of me wanted to hide, to disappear in some hidden black hole where he would never find me. Then again I had quickly learned that his daily visits could potentially be quite rewarding, depending on his mood. _

"_You are a Hiwatari, you do not shy away from fear, you embrace it", he snapped, features laced with irritation. _

"_Yes grandfather", I dutifully mumbled, wondering were this was going. _

_I had not seen him in two days, which was unusual. Or perhaps it was more. Down here time was something relative. Everything followed the cycles of the electric lights, and even though I had a natural feeling for wheatear or not it was night or day I could never tell with certainty. _

"_Do you know how old you are Kai?", he asked, thoughtfully staring at me, curious eyes roaming my face for clues. _

_I stared at him, confused. He normally told when my birthday was due, and the last time he did I had been 12. I remembered it clearly. Even if that felt like an eternity ago it was the only thing I had to measure time with, especially considering that a days length down here was never the same. _

"_Tw…twelve", I said, voice low, unsure. _

_Somehow I knew that I was wrong, but I needed to hear it. _

"_You are 15", he said, a cruel smile gracing his lips when I stared at him, horrified. _

_It felt as if my world was about to crumble. He had complete control, over everything. Perhaps I would die here, in the dark, rot away, forgotten and lost. Alone…._

I hadn´t slept much, but when I went for a run at half past 6 I felt rested enough to face the world, even if I was still dreaming about Morocco. Of course, there I could run on the beach, and then strip down and go for a swim directly afterwards. Here I merely ran my usual round, on the greyish pavement, my trainers smashing against the ground like hands clapping too hard and fast. The neighbourhood looked exactly the same as two years ago; a couple of upgraded cars here and there but otherwise it was the same. Then again looks can be deceiving, and I was curious too meet the guys again. Perhaps they had grown up a bit since last time.

After a quick shower I pulled on jeans and a t-shirt, grabbing a jacket on my way out. It was winter in New York, and I could recall seeing Santa clauses and elves everywhere when I drove from the airport that previous evening. Christmas. I hadn´t actually given it any thought up until now. In Morocco it had obviously not been an issue, but here it was different, and I felt a flare of panic rush through me. Fuck! I had not even considered the fact that this was an important holiday in America, and a stab of regret made me clench my jaw uncomfortably. What would I do? I had no one to spend Christmas with, and even though it shouldn´t this simple fact bothered me.

Blast it! With a sigh I quickly made my way over to the neighbouring house, smirking slightly as I spotted the scarlet Mustang that was parked in the driveway. It had to be Tyson. I could recall him moaning about how his father wouldn´t let him buy one unless he became more responsible.

Somehow I suspected that his constant nagging had more to do with it. Either that or the fact that he was now an adult. The thought seemed strange to me. I was 20, Tyson and Max were what? 18? Rey was born the same years as me and if I remembered correctly both Hilary and Kenny were one year younger.

I lifted my hand to knock, trying to ignore the blinking lights and goblins that surrounded the house. How typical. To my surprise the door was torn open with a loud shriek as Max threw himself around my neck, completely invading my personal space with a bone-crushing hug. I almost lost my balance, and awkwardly pried his hands from around my neck, taking a startled step backwards. He just grinned at me, blue puppy-dog eyes shining with adoration.

"Kai! It is so great to see you, you have no idea!" He exclaimed.

"I can´t wait to tell you about all that has happened, Kenny is studying and we are competing and…..", he rambled on, and I smiled.

His enthusiasm was brushing off on me.

"Yo Kai! Buddy how are you?" That was Tyson, who assaulted me in much the same way as Max had done, only this time I was prepared, quickly sidestepping him.

"Tyson, Max", I acknowledged, voice a tad softer than two years ago.

However much it cost me to admit this I had to say it; yes I did actually miss them. They both looked older, taller, and I was pleasantly surprised over discovering that Tyson looked surprisingly athletic. Perhaps Rey had finally been able to talk him out of eating regularly at Mac Donald's.

Max was literally bouncing up and down with delight as the two dragged me inside, while Tyson repeatedly slapped my back and insisted that they had missed me. It was…..strange, especially for someone as antisocial as me. When I left I had not even given them a proper goodbye, and yet they accepted me just like that. Despite my better judgement I was grateful.

Even Kenny came and gave me a big hug, and I nodded briefly at him in a gesture of silent appreciation which I knew that he understood. Quite frankly he was the one who had changed the most. He had almost become as tall as Max, who was only ten centimetres shorter than me, with long and gangly limbs. His hair was still reddish brown, but was cut a bit short in the front so that one could actually see his eyes. They were grey, and I was mildly disturbed when I realized that previously I had not known what colour they were. His glasses were changed as well, to a pair that was at least a tad more flattering than his old harry potter style ones.

Hilary was not present, and although I had a sneaking suspicion of why, I did not acknowledge this in the slightest. I suppose I would see her soon enough, along with this guy from church. Instead two other guys were present, and I met Rey´s gaze, greeting him with a subtle twist of one eyebrow. He smiled brightly at me, blushing when I half smiled back.

"Kai, this is Osuma, and Tyson´s brother Hiro", he introduced.

We shook hands and they both eyed me with obvious interest. I had a distinct feeling that the others had been talking about me, and thus eyed the newcomers with a hint of reservation.

"Nice to finally meet you", the tallest one, Hiro, said.

"We have heard a lot about you!"

"Likewise", I responded, only the barest hint of brittleness evident in my voice.

Of course my response was a blatant lie.

I registered that Osuma had positioned himself quite close to Rey, his arm around Rey´s waste, and concluded that he was probably the mystery boyfriend. They suited each other, and I nodded at him, sensing his relief when he realized that Rey was right, I was most definitely not interested. I could feel Rey´s eyes on me, and I knew that he was perhaps a tiny bit disappointed. Either way I didn´t really care. He would just have to deal with it.

"So, for how long are you staying?" Hiro inquired, intently watching me, hands in the pockets of his trousers.

He was wearing grey slacks and a pressed shirt. Law enforcement I reflected, annoyed. He appeared to be a few years older than me, 25 perhaps, I couldn´t be completely sure. Apart from the hair colour he and Tyson looked nothing alike, and there was no doubt that out of the two Hiro was the one to watch. I tilted my head to the side, eying him predatorily.

"FBI or CIA?" I asked him, a devilish smirk playing at the corner of my mouth.

He looked at me, eyes wide, opening and closing his mouth a couple of times before getting his act together.

" MI6", he said, rolling his eyes and grinning brightly.

The others seemed to assume that it was some private joke, Rey being the only one who´s eyes narrowed in suspicion. Both my eyebrows quirked upwards, and I eyed Hiro conspiratorially, somewhat amused. He was intelligent, and I had been alone for a long time. Although I resented myself for it I liked the idea of playing him, even if it would complicate things. The jaguar was suddenly awake and ready, busy sharpening his claws and baring his teeth, preparing for the hunt.

"Sounds interesting", I dismissed, abruptly reverting my attention elsewhere, just to see if I could irritate him.

"Lee told me to say hi", he said, and I glanced briefly at him once more, expertly masking my renewed interest.

"Tell him that I owe him lunch", I said, proceeding to sit down by the kitchen table, next to Max.

The conversation flowed easily, and although I only contributed with a couple of words here and there I was more than content merely observing, listening, enjoying their friendly bantering. It felt just like old times, Hiro´s presence the only thing which I didn´t really value. They were talking about Christmas, what they hoped to get, who was staying where and so on. It seemed as if their families were coming to New York this year, and judging by the already lit Christmas tree in the living-room they were well prepared.

"And what are you doing for Christmas this year Kai?" Hiro innocently wondered, smiling sweetly at me.

Somehow he seemed to have sensed that I hadn´t paid the thing too much attention, and the others stared expectantly at me. My mind was working slower than usual. Trying to decide what would be the appropriate response. And it struck me that I had no idea. I would probably end up alone, but if I said that they would pity me, and this was something I couldn´t, wouldn´t take.

"We don´t celebrate Christmas in Russia", I said truthfully.

Okay, perhaps that was an exaggeration. However Christmas in Russia was something entirely different, and far more of a religious thing. The traditions with gifts and family gatherings were much more prominent in the US, and furthermore Christmas was celebrated in the beginning of January, unlike here.

"Wha…what?" Tyson exclaimed, looking like someone had just told him that the store had run out of chocolate.

I shrugged, appearing nonchalant, although I was starting too feel a bit uneasy. The situation made me….uncomfortable.

"You have never celebrated Christmas? For real?" Max demanded, and I caught Rey´s warning glance.

Annoyance surge through me. Of course he could sense my discomfort, the bastard.

"Yes Max, for real", I said sarcastically, which he of course was completely oblivious to.

I sent Tyson´s brother a withering look, the all to familiar fury awakening in one brilliant flash. I had been on my own with my thoughts and my life for two years, and somewhere along the road I seemed to have forgotten how frustrating other people could be. Hiro stared at me, fascination playing in his eyes. He and Tyson were not the same at all, and I decided that after all I preferred Tyson, by far.

"You can stay with us", Tyson and Rey both offered, more or less in unison.

Again the situation made me somewhat uncomfortable. I didn´t like the idea of accepting someone's charity, I was too proud for that, which was most likely part of my problem. My own lack of understanding regarding the interaction between others was something I knew about, this did however mean that I should do something about it. Being the one I was I hadn´t

"Thank you for the invite", I responded dryly, although I would admit that deep down I appreciated it somewhat. Despite my fear of them pitying me I did, I really did.

After Rey´s delicious pancakes the others went into the living room, and I could hear Max and Tyson challenge Hiro to a game of X-box. Osuma went after them after only a brief look of hesitation, and I remained seated, absentmindedly balancing the chair on two legs. I wasn´t really in the mood for talking, when was I ever? I did however acknowledge that Rey deserved some kind of explanation. He had been patient, and I had not been overly forthcoming.

"What do you want me to say Rey?" I said tiredly.

"That I have changed? That I have suddenly become a better person?"

The last sentence was spoken with a prominent sneer, and I glared daggers at him, wondering why I was suddenly acting in such an aggressive manner. His eyes were so tender that I almost felt the need to punch him. Do you know who you are dealing with? I am a fucking predator! Stay away! Just…..leave!

"Kai, please", he said, looking intently at me.

I shook my head in sudden confusion. What was I doing here? Yet again I was completely out of it. The calm, content state of mind I had embraced while in Morocco was gone, vanished right before my eyes. Instead it was replaced by the all too familiar burning, and I inhaled deeply, trying to rid myself of the stress.

"I…..I shouldn´t have left like I did", I finally said, meeting his gaze.

He merely shrugged.

"You lost your last living family member, no one blames you. We were just worried", he said, still looking at me.

My last living family member, right. I hadn´t told them. Tala and grandfather had been the only ones who knew, and grandfather was dead. I should have known that returning here would bring nothing but misery I scolded myself, suddenly feeling fed up with everything. Fucking Ian Papov. Part of me had played with the idea of going there again, to see them, but then everything had looked so perfect, so…..normal. It was something I would never fit into.

"Ian Papov", Rey said, eyes narrowing in deep displeasure.

"He is a nobody, I am sure it will be okay".

"Lets hope you are right", I said, voice cold, for the first time betraying the real unease.

"You coming for dinner today?"

I eyed him almost suspiciously.

"Kai, come on! It is the 23 of December, and you never celebrated your birthday", he insisted.

"Rey…."

"We want you here, the family is coming and all, they would love to meet you!"

He looked at me, pleading golden eyes reminding me of Max.

"Whatever", I growled, not missing his huge grin as I rolled my eyes at him, stalking outside.

Seeing as it was the day before Christmas I went shopping. I bought some groceries, a few gifts, mostly impersonal things, wine, books and the like. And then I called Tala, asking him if it was too late to get hold of a Christmas tree. Better to just get it over with, at least a tree might make the place a bit more homely. Obviously the Ferrari would be unable to hold one, so I gave him the task. Of course this humoured him, that Kai Hiwatari wanted a Christmas tree. Everything considered I suppose it was a little funny. Particularly from Tala´s standpoint, seeing as he had known me from the Abby.

I drove home feeling a bit better about myself, looking forward to dinner, even if I was slightly anxious at the prospect of being introduced the other´s family members. Still, I felt included, and I liked it. The Ferrari rumbled excitedly as I speed through the streets of Manhattan. The first flakes of fluffy white snow had started falling, and the traffic was heavy on my way back. Everyone were making last minute arrangements, fathers buying Christmas presents, mothers rushing to the store to secure the last few boxes of candy.

I slowed down with a certain amount of reserved acceptance as the street light shifted from green to red just before I reached it. My more reckless side seriously considered the idea of ignoring it, but I dutifully stopped anyway, impatiently tapping my fingers against the steering wheel. Perhaps I should buy another car. Another Ferrari. Or maybe even a jaguar. The 458 would still be my favourite anyway, but it would be nice having something that was better in winter conditions.

Almost as if on cue I glanced up in my rear-view mirror, still waiting for the light, when an old, worn down Ford came skidding towards me from behind. My over sensitive ears picked up the sound of the screeching brakes, and time passed unbelievably slow as I realized it was the slippery conditions that was the problem. The car was old, too old. Moments later the Ford thundered into the Ferrari´s beautiful backside, and I was thrown forward in my seat, the entire car jerking forward with a terrible, crunching sound.

For a few seconds I remained frozen. No, NO! My car, my beautiful, beautiful car. Surrealistic waves of shock made my entire being go completely rigid with tension, and I met my own electric gaze in the rear-view mirror. What the fuck! No one messed with my Ferrari, no one! With one agile leap I was out of the car, determined to more or less annihilate the offender.

Instead I almost collided with a slender, terrified girl about my own age, messed up strawberry blond hair encircling an attractive heart shaped face. She was bleeding.

I stared, merely….stared….


	4. Chapter 3

**Authors note: Okay guys, I have decided on a possible pairing, read to find out. Anyway, were is the feedback, I would be insanely happy if someone bothered you know;)**

**So, please, please, pretty please REVIEW!**

**KirayHimawari: You are just awesome! Thank you so much for another great review! I am delighted that I still manage to surprise you, sometimes that is the hard part you know, not falling into this tempting pattern of clichés and other, boring stuff. I suppose there are a few clichés in there, but hopefully not too many;) Great that you like Hiro, he will have a role to play I think, it is just a question of how large. As for the accident, this chapter will hopefully answer your questions!;) Thanks again!:D**

* * *

**.**

**When it burns**

**Chapter 3**

**.**

* * *

"I…..I am so sorry! I….Wha…I..", the girl rambled, seemingly huge blue-grey eyes boring into mine.

It took me a few seconds to gather myself, and I took in her appearance with something close to awe. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Tall and slim, with a chiselled face and cinnamon coloured freckles. The long, strawberry blond hair was cascading down her back in shiny waves, and I was momentarily tempted to touch it. She looked at me, startled, almost fearful when I took a few steps closer.

"Miss, are you okay?" I asked her, suddenly very anxious to know wheatear or not she was hurt.

She just shook her head at me, eyes still wide, and I carefully lifted a hand to touch the cut on her cheek. It was bleeding, but not very deep. Otherwise she looked fine, apart from the obvious shock. She was shaking, her knuckles whitening as she clung onto the hem of her jacket.

"Miss, are you hurt?" I repeated, voice surprisingly soft.

"No, no….I…..look at your car!" She exclaimed, suddenly horrified as she hid her face in her hands.

I spared my favourite beast a quick glace. The rear bumper was not looking good, and the tail lights were smashed, the gleaming black gloss all rasped up. Then again these things could be fixed. It was not a disaster. The old Ford was a different story, but I suppose it would have died soon anyway.

"I am really sorry!" She said again, voice quivering when she looked at me.

I felt sort of bad. It was just a car, and she seemed to expect me to be angry. Then again I probably would have been, had she been someone else, someone less…..striking. Somewhere at the back of my mind a small, unimportant voice was screaming at me that she was just a girl, but then she started crying. A crying female, at first I didn´t know what to do, I just stood there, staring like some mindless idiot.

"Perhaps we should get you to a hospital", I suggested lamely.

Fuck! I was acting like a child. I had to get a grip. She was just in shock, frightened, and I was not doing a good job of making it better. I placed both hands on her shoulders, gently steering her around on the passenger side of the Ferrari. Her shoulders were slight and feminine, and I struggled to keep my mind on the task at hand. By now the scene had attracted a certain attention, and cars were all over the place, driving in a large circle around our two vehicles.

"I´ll move your car, just wait here, don´t go anywhere", I told her.

I drove the Ford out on the side of the road, or what was left of it anyway. The front was completely smashed, and both front tires were flat. Even the windshield was ruined, and I concluded that she had probably cut herself on the glass. With a certain unease I grabbed her purse from the passenger seat, before getting inside the Ferrari, handing it to her. We were going to a hospital, no discussion.

"I am okay", she told me in a subdued voice, glancing shyly up at me through long, dark eyelashes.

"Your car looks pretty bad", I stated.

"I am taking you to the hospital".

She fiddled nervously with the zipper of her purse as I started the engine, slowly driving back out onto the road. Everything felt alright; most of the damage was cosmetic it seemed, and I sped up a bit, feeling somewhat relieved.

"You are a bit…. intimidating", the girl slowly said, looking up at me as though she had said something scandalous.

I was momentarily distracted, and somehow managed to avoid glaring at her. Intimidating? No one had called me that to my face before. Part of me wanted to say something offending, but when she stared at me I couldn´t. One lock of shiny, strawberry blond hair fell forward into her face, and I watched as she brushed it aside, long, slender fingers shaking.

"What is your name?" I inquired, feeling her eyes on me as I reverted my attention to the driving.

"Frankie", she said, still clutching onto her purse with both hands.

"I´m Kai, Kai Hiwatari", I said, inwardly marvelling at my sudden willingness to talk.

I drove her to the hospital, taking her purse as I led her inside. There was no way she was going anywhere before a doctor had checked up on her. No way. Her hands were still shaking when we got to the waiting area of the emergency room, and I placed her in a sofa, buying her coffee from one of the automats. She wrapped her hands around the cup, face pale as she slowly sipped at the steaming liquid, shoulders hunched and stiff from tension.

"Should I call someone for you?" I wondered, once again questioning my actions.

Why was I being so friendly?

She smiled at me, and I was suddenly afraid that she would start crying again. Of course that was just what she did, and I awkwardly placed an arm around her shoulders as she leaned into my chest. I felt completely at a loss, what should I do? Was I supposed to comfort her? Because I had no idea how to do that.

"I am here alone, I….I am studying, my family lives…they live in Nevada", she said, obviously upset.

"Oh my god, how am I going to pay for this?" She mumbled to herself, once again burying her face in her hands.

"Don´t think about it", I dismissed, irritated.

She looked up at me, unsure.

"But I….It was my fault".

I only shrugged.

"I can afford it".

An uneasy silence settled, in which I wondered why I was actually there. She was still sitting close to me, and I had not removed my arm. I didn´t want too.

"What are you studying?" I asked her, hoping to steer the conversation away from anything that could potentially cause more crying.

"Law", she stammered.

"Harvard?"

"Yes".

I was impressed. She was smart then; something which I valued in a woman. Just then a nurse approached us, and Frankie was led inside the doctors office, looking at me over her shoulder on her way in. I smiled reassuringly at her for god knows what reason, and to my surprise she smiled back, a small, bleak but honest and insanely beautiful smile. I suppose that was why I remained, why I actually sat there waiting when she came back out. My own behaviour was quite honestly confusing me. Sure, she was attractive, but I had never been like this before. Everything was just….messed up.

When it came to women I could easily please them in bed, I could make them cry, and in general they usually came running whenever they spotted me. As far as anything else was concerned I didn´t have a clue. There was something about the emotional attachment that I couldn´t quite handle. As irrational as this sounds I found that exact attachment more frightening than most things, grandfather being the obvious exception. Still, this girl, Frankie, I was already somewhat possessive of her, and I had known her for what, an hour? Two hours? It didn´t make sense.

With a sigh I stood up, intently watching her as she hesitantly thanked the doctor. Her eyes widened in surprise when she spotted me, and I was pleased to see that her eyes lit up at the sight of me waiting. Somehow she reminded me about a lioness. Even if she was frightened and out of her comfort zone there was something graceful and self assured in the way she moved. It was oddly attractive, whatever it was, and despite myself I was fascinated, and very, very interested.

"You waited for me?" She half asked, coming to a halt right in front of me, tilting her head up too look me straight in the eye.

"Someone have to drive you home", I evenly responded, expertly schooling my features.

I wasn´t sure if I wanted her to know just how interest I actually was.

"I…you have been so nice to me Kai, you really don´t have to", she said, smiling softly.

There was something about the way she said my name; as if it was special. I gazed intensely at her for a few seconds, wondering what the fuck was wrong with me. Where was the cold, elusive jaguar when I needed it?

"I am taking you home", I said shortly, no room for any sort of questioning.

"What did the doctor say?"

"Just that I should take it easy for a few days", she said, falling into step beside me.

"I was supposed to leave for Nevada today, spend Christmas with my family".

She shook her head, anger over her own actions written all over her features. Again I felt oddly sorry for her. She had missed her plane, her car was totalled, and she would be alone for Christmas. Two days ago Christmas hadn´t interested me in the slightest, but I had come to realize that it meant something for the people here. She was no exception. I sent her a sidelong glance, more or less captivated by the way she shyly looked away whenever I tried to catch her eyes.

Which brought me back to the initial problem. Why did I feel the need to catch her eye to begin with? The jaguar is a lonely creature, and with the exception of mothers with cubs they lead a solitary existence. Up until now I had been comfortable with this lifestyle, had never questioned it. Still, I couldn´t help but wonder; could there be more? Would I be capable of handling more? And, what did this concept of more mean to me. It was unsettling in a way; how I could be so confident in some things, and then so uncertain in others. It is always about a female I pondered, once again sneaking a look when I thought she was unaware.

"It could have happened to anyone", I said matter of factly, catching her surprised look when I opened the passenger door for her.

"Maybe, but it was still stupid. I should have been more careful", she said, an annoyed sigh escaping her lips.

She rented an apartment on the outskirts of the city, and I parked outside her building. It was a decent area, although I didn´t quite like the idea of a pretty thing like her living in between gang territories and supposed coffee shops. I kept the engine running, turning to gaze at her, feeling somewhat conflicted. Uncharacteristically enough I didn´t want her to leave, and I wasn´t quite sure how to express this. Instead I retrieved a business card from inside my jacket, handing it to her with a blank expression.

"Call me if you are not feeling well", I said, hoping she wouldn´t think I was strange.

She smiled a small smile, carefully pocketing the card before looking up at me.

"Thank you, I greatly appreciate what you did. At least I was lucky who crashed into someone nice".

I smiled a surprisingly warm half smile, nodding briefly at her as she exited the car.

"Take care"

And then I drove off, observing her in the rear-view mirror as I continued down the street, and she disappeared inside the building. Part of me hoped she would call, while the other wondered why I had given her the opportunity to begin with. With a sigh I picked up my phone, calling Tala. He immediately got to work, while I drove my damaged goods to the nearest Ferrari workshop.

The manager was already waiting when I arrived, aiming to please of course. I was a potential and very rich customer, so naturally he was on his best behaviour. Unfortunately they could not get me another car very quickly, and it would take a couple of weeks to repair the damage. Of course my car would be first priority.

I thanked them, scheduling a test drive of their newest flag ship, the FF, a more robust car with four wheel drive and four seats. It would probably be better accustomed to winter conditions so why not. Tala picked me up shortly after, handing me a set of keys for a new car.

The local Audi dealership had been impressively service minded, and I was pleased enough to agree to buying a second car in half an hour. Money I reflected, what was I supposed to actually do with it? The car was excellent, not as sporty as the R8, but still great. It was a pitch black A5 sedan, and I drove off feeling a bit better about things.

Rey had texted me about dinner, and I realized that I still had a couple of hours before I had to be there. Normally I would have gone for a run, or perhaps taken the Muramasa to the dojo. Today however, had turned out to be an unusual day. I drove mindlessly around for about ten minutes, impulsively stopping and parking when I spotted a flower shop. It was just about to close up, but the lady inside paused when I knocked on the door, considering. I smiled at her and waved, and she reluctantly opened up, charmed.

"What do you need?" She asked me, voice strict but eyes soft.

She was one of those old fashioned women; grey hair in a tight bun, glasses resting on the bridge of her nose and towel over one arm, prepared to clean up after inconsiderate customers.

"Something…..dark", I said.

"Price class?"

"Irrelevant", I supplied.

She studied me for a moment, eyes narrowing thoughtfully before she grabbed a scissor from her desk, proceeding to gathering and arranging flowers in an expertly constructed bouquet. It wasn´t quite what I had been wating; crimson and dark blue roses, along with something I couldn´t name, but it would have to do. As a second thought I bought a large candle as well, one with a lid on, so that it would not be blown out by the wind. I tanked the woman before taking my leave, carefully placing the flowers in the passengers seat.

I drove out on the road, downshifting before the traffic light, and then I was on my way. Woodlawn cemetery was located more or less in the middle of the city, and I drove there at a comfortable speed, still questioning my actions, my previous resolve weakening.

At first I wasn´t even sure what I was doing there, why I had even considered the possibility of going, and let alone bring flowers. Then again grandfather had meant something too me, that at least I was willing to acknowledge. I just didn´t know what that something was.

The cemetery was silent, empty. I suppose not too many people went her the day before Christmas, which was understandable. The snow covered everything, giving the place a ghostly look. Only the tombstones and the ribbed trees; it looked deserted. I followed the gravelled road in between the stones, leaving prints in the thin layer of snow. The sky was starting to darken, and here and there I could see flickering lights, placed there by caring relatives.

I clutched the flowers tightly, inhaling deeply. Was that what I was, a caring relative? Somehow I doubted it, but then again I was here was I not? It had taken me two years, but I had come in the end.

Grandfathers grave was secluded from the others. He had bought a large patch of land about 10 years ago, securing his final resting place. The idea that he had even considered going to such lengths seemed odd to me, but then again he had never been particularly mainstream. His tombstone, a large, gleaming monstrosity in black marble, towered alone in a clearing between trees and bushes. Two polished benches made from the same material were placed on either side, facing each other. They had not been there when he was buried, bit it had to have been what he wanted.

I remained standing a few feet away, gazing at the stone, a deep, flaring rage finding its way to the surface. It was intriguing how I still spent so much time being furious with him, even now that he was dead. One way or another he always found his way into my thoughts, just when I believed I had gotten rid of him for good. Would I ever? Probably not, even though I wanted….or did I? Everything was so complicated, so….uncertain. Here I was, back in New York, preparing to tackle Ian Papov head on. Still, the old demons were returning, and somehow they were more frightening than Ian Papov would ever be.

Looking back I should probably never have gone there, but I had. With hesitant, unsure movements I approached the large stone, kneeling down before it, my entire frame shivering.

.

.

_He was standing by the fireplace, eyes wild with cold fury as our gazes locked. I glared back, raw emotion at its most heartbreaking; a hatred so vast that it seemed almost unfathomable. I felt like a monster, a killer, like something utterly dark and terrible. The sword in my hands more than enough proof._

_"Kneel", he said._

_I stared._

_"Kneel!"_

_He didn´t scream, didn´t raise his voice. But I still heard it, felt it, despite the angry roar of the flames I still heard. We stared at each other, and I slowly sank to my knees, the sword clattering to the ground._

_"This will be the last time you defy me, ever again"._

_._

_._

I placed the bouquet on the ground, leaning it against the polished marble. My hands were shaking as I lit a match, the candle flaring to life. At first the flame stood erect, stretching up towards the sky. Then I put the lid on top of it, confining it, before setting it down next to the flowers. For a moment I remained there, on my knees, before I scrambled backwards and out of the stone´s shadow in a sudden panic.

"I hate you", I rasped, voice a low growl, barely audible.

My body was tense, muscles coiled and ready, as I crouched down a few meters away, eyes clouded with fury, my hands buried in the cold snow. Slowly, hesitantly I got up, backing away. My hands were once again steady, although my breath was coming in ragged gasps, my blood still boiling, scorching hot in my veins.

I remained there for a few more moments, almost expecting a response. Of course there was none, why would there be. He was dead. What was left of him existed only in my mind, in my memories. It was not a comforting thought…


	5. Chapter 4

**Authors note: Here we go, Kai is attending a christmas party! I know the meeting with Hilary was short, but he will have plenty of time to see her later on, and no, this will not be Kai/Hil. Anyways, do enjoy. **

**REVIEWS? I´ll update more frequently you know...**

**KirayHimawari: Thank you so much for yet another totally awesome review! You are just the best!:D Great that you liked the chapter, and of course Kai´s thoughts on Voltaire. I always find those difficult to express. As for Frankie you´ll just have to wait and see;) But, Frankie is actually an original character from season 1. She participated in the American tournament and was given very little screen time, which makes it possible to develop her character quite freely;) Anyways, thank you so much as always and I hope you´ll like this chapter also!:D**

* * *

**.**

**When it burns**

**Chapter 4**

**.**

* * *

I drove home. The A5 was great, and I humoured myself by testing the acceleration on the highway on my way back. My trip to the cemetery had backfired, badly. As irrational as this may sound it had been an attempt at a confrontation. Or, at least that was what I told myself. The alternative was depressing. Had I gone there because I…..because….I missed him? The question bothered me. What if that was it? What would I do then?

.

.

_I moved my runner two spaces forward, effectively removing his horse from the board. Part of me was afraid he would be displeased, but he was not. Instead his eyes gleamed with a sense of intense possessiveness, something which I had started noticing with increasing alarm. His attachment to me had become more prominent. _

"_Good, very good little phoenix", he crooned, voice almost on the edge of mocking. _

_Our eyes locked briefly, and I quickly reverted my attention to the chess board, patiently waiting for his next move. It was a stunning piece of art, the chess board and its pieces, made from glass. Grandfather had once told me it was from Venice, handmade by some of Murano´s finest glass blowers. The board was smooth and gleaming, neatly arranged checkers in blue and green contrasting the crimson and black chess pieces. He was black, I was crimson. _

"_It is important that you treat these games as you would any other lesson I give you", he said, thoughtfully moving his queen two spaces to the left. _

_I eyed him with something close to suspicion, grasping the fact that there was a double meaning two his words, but unsure on exactly what it was. As with most things this was a routine. We played chess once a week, and despite my better judgement it was something I looked forward to. Grandfather had once referred to it as spending some quality time together. I knew that it was part of my education to become a proper Hiwatari; just like the sailing, the horse riding, the football practise and all the other sports I was taught. In addition to the other things, math, physics, language. _

_I valued these things not only because I liked them, but because they marked the rare occasions of which I was allowed outside. When we played chess we did so in grandfathers office on the upper level of the Abby. The room was large, elegantly furnished, with carpets, chairs and tables in polished wood, and most of all; windows. He had windows. Somehow I never tired of looking outside. I could see forest, snow, mountains. It was the highlight of any week. _

"_Everything is a game Kai, everything. Even your mere existence", he smiled at me, eyes gleaming. _

"_That is why there is always room for change, for…", he paused, looking at me with unreadable eyes. _

"_Unpredictability"._

_._

_._

I regarded my own reflection with a scrutinizing look, cool mahogany eyes staring back at me. Cold, flinty, clinically assessing. Two years in Morocco had given me a natural tan and sun bleached hair. My continued training had also contributed, and I looked….healthy, built and athletic. It was an odd admission. Previously I had never cared much about my looks, other than acknowledging that most people found me attractive, and that it was part of grandfather´s unhealthy obsession with me. Today on the other hand, was different. Suddenly it seemed to matter, and I wrinkled by brow in concentration.

Frankie. I wondered what she had thought, wheatear or not she would be interested. With a sense of resigned frustration I absentmindedly rubbed the back of my neck, thinking. Perhaps I should just call her. Somewhere at the back of my mind I acknowledged the fact that it was a bit strange to do so only hours after I had dropped her off. Then again I was not your average 20 year old. I did as I pleased, regardless of what others might think, why should this be any different?

It was then that I realized I had not gotten her phone number, and I froze, glaring once more at my reflection in the mirror. Of course, I could call Tala, have him track it down for me. However, this was something I didn´t really feel like sharing. I would do it on my own. I suppose I could just drop by her apartment. Not today, even I understood as much, but maybe tomorrow? With renewed enthusiasm I grabbed a random suit jacket from the closet, throwing it carelessly over one shoulder.

I was supposed to attend Rey´s dinner for family and friends, and at the last moment had decided to dress accordingly. Max had mentioned how everyone was expected to dress up, dresses for the girls, tux for the guys. Seeing as there was no way I was wearing a tux unless it was absolutely necessary I had put on the first suit I found in the closet.

It was nice, a deep charcoal coloured grey, Armani. My mind made the connection immediately, and I was slightly unsettled when I realized it was the one I had gotten from grandfather. I could vaguely recall unpacking it in the kitchen, having been curious at first, and then angry. The fridge; I had punched the fridge. Someone considerate, probably Tala, had made sure to replace it while I was in Morocco. I paused in the hall, seriously considering putting on something else. He had liked it, that was why he had bought it.

I shook my head. What was wrong with me? It was just a suit. No matter I decided, I would just wear it. Just like he would have wanted my mind pondered, as I grabbed my bag on the way out, slamming the door much harder than what was strictly necessary. I shouldn´t allow him this power, allow his hold on me to last. He was dead. I had visited his grave. He was gone forever. Still the question remained, why I had chosen the suit? Was it by accident, or purpose? Again, was it because it reminded me of him?

With a barely audible sigh I approached the entrance of the house next to mine. I had seen Tyson, Max and Kenny busy attaching more blinking lights and Christmas banners to the trees in the garden earlier that day, and now everything was glowing. Personally I found the whole thing to be rather tasteless, but then again I had never celebrated Christmas, so there you go. At least this resembled a real home.

A couple of people were standing outside the door when I arrived, and I recognized Robert and Johnny. Robert in a tux, of course, while Johnny was wearing a strange Scottish chequered suit in green and red. He looked like one of Rey´s garden goblins. The third person I could recall having seen at a distance, a slight green haired boy. Oliver I think his name was.

"Kai!" Johnny exclaimed, smirking suggestively.

"Kai Hiwatari!"

I merely nodded at him, eyebrows twitching in mild irritation.

"Kai, nice to finally see you, it has been too long", Robert said smoothly, politely smiling and offering me his hand.

I eyed him with something close to open disregard, before changing my mind. Couldn´t hurt to play nice every now and then could it?

"Robert", I acknowledged, grudgingly accepting a swift handshake.

They both looked at me with open interest, and it seemed almost as if they were happy to see me. How strange; I had never particularly liked any of them, but then again I didn´t like people in general, with a few exceptions of course. Johnny smiled brightly at me, and I was momentarily reminded about Ian Papovs disproportionate face. The nose was disturbingly similar, only Johnny´s was considerably smaller. Perhaps someone had punched him. The thought produced a flicker of a smile.

Moments later the door was torn open by Tyson, who enthusiastically waved his arms at all four of us.

"Fantastic! You came!"

I was under the distinct impression that the last sentence was directed at me, but didn´t have time to dwell on it as we were ushered inside. Max was standing rapt attention by the entrance to the living room, carrying a tray of glasses filled to the brim with what I assumed to be Champaign. He beamed at me when I entered, and forced one into my hand. Me and Robert looked at each other in silent suffering as the both of us discovered that it was not at all Champaign, but something very sugary and non alcoholic. The parents probably, I concluded with a hint of disdain.

There were people everywhere, and again I was under the impression that the others had told heir parents about me explicitly, because they all seemed utterly fascinated. I managed to miraculously escape within a few, uncomfortable minutes, and found sanctuary in the kitchen, were Rey was busy preparing what smelled like an absolutely magnificent dinner.

"I knew it", I he deadpanned, grinning like a mad man.

"I knew you´d show!"

"I was invited", I defended, sending him a sour look which he only laughed at.

"It is so great that you came, everyone has been dying to meet you".

" And why is that?" I questioned, slowly exhaling, leaning back against the counter.

Steam was spiralling up towards the ceiling from several boiling pots on the stove, and the fan was in turbo mode. It really did smell delicious. Rey was sprinting in between the various pots on the stove, the oven, and the countertop, were some kind of bred was resting underneath a towel.

"Well, we have talked about you a lot I suppose", he said, shrugging, as if this did not matter at all.

Talked. They had talked, about me.

"What did you say?"

He smiled softly at me, pausing his ferocious stirring in one of the pots.

"Nothing specific, just you know, the guys, they look up to you and stuff".

"They shouldn´t", I said without thinking, a scowl settling on my features.

"Well, I think they should", he said.

I shook my head at him in exasperation, before placing a bottle of vintage red wine on the countertop next to the bred.

"I suppose you´ll have to drink it some other time".

"We´ll share it", he said, eying the etiquette with appreciation.

"And by the way, Hilary is coming, with her family, and the guy from church".

I chose to ignore that last comment, stalking out of the kitchen and into the living room. Despite the house being about the same size as mine it was filled to the brink with people, and my antisocial self was terrified. The jaguar would undoubtedly have gone on a killing spree out of pure stress, and I retreated to a somewhat secluded corner, immediately being approached by a blond woman I recognized as Judy Tate, Max´s mother, and a man I assumed was his father. I turned on the charm only briefly, resenting every word but responding to their small talk out of courtesy to Max.

When I was finally able to escape I felt vaguely relieved, and that was when things turned from bad to worse. I was just about to excuse myself and go to the rest room when both Lee and Hilary entered simultaneously, and they both spotted me. Hilary was with her parents, who both smiled at me, and a skinny, gangly looking guy with mousy brown hair. Lee was standing off to the side, and we nodded at each other, a silent understanding passing between us. I followed his gaze outside, to the patio were the snow was falling steadily. Later I silently communicated, reverting my attention over to Hilary.

She looked good, a little heavier than two years ago, which to my surprise looked oddly appropriate. Her breasts seemed larger, and the deep red dress enhanced her slim waste and curvy hips. I smiled charmingly at her, inwardly smirking as she blushed profoundly. Good to know that I still had that effect on her, even if she was with this other guy.

"Hilary, you look good", I acknowledged, a wolfish smirk playing at the corner of my mouth.

"K..Kai, I…so do you", her blush deepened, and I playfully raised an eyebrow at her stammering.

"This….this is Mario", she said, motioning to the guy next to her.

"My boyfriend", she clarified.

We shook hands, and I forced a polite smile, before greeting her parents shortly. Mario grinned brightly at me, cockily arching an eyebrow. I caught Tyson staring at him with badly concealed hatred from across the room, and paused to reconsider my earlier assessment of him.

"Hi, you must be the Russian", Mario said, smiling stupidly.

The Russian?

Hilary´s parents were out of earshot, and I eyed him with increasing annoyance. What a fucking jerk. I caught Hilary´s somewhat embarrassed look, briefly rolling my eyes at her. What was she doing with this guy? He was an idiot. She could do better, of that I was sure. Part of me had always hoped she would hook up with Tyson, although I would never openly admit this. Even if he was annoying as hell he was still better than this, much better.

"Whatever", I said, nodding at Hilary before returning to the hall, grabbing my jacket on the way out.

It was cold, but I was not bothered. Being from Russia and all this was nothing, and I walked around the house, enjoying the sound of snow swishing about my feet. It felt almost unreal. Snow, after all the time spent in the warm sun of Rabat. Familiarity is not always a good thing, but the snow struck me as surprisingly comforting, and I inhaled deeply, suddenly relaxing. It was a beautiful evening, cold and clear, stars glimmering on a sky of deep, blue-black velvet. It looked vast, and I was momentarily reminded about the sea back home, equally vast, only a tad more treacherous.

Lee was standing by the pool, just as that fateful day two years ago when I had willingly placed him at grandfathers mercy. A thin layer of snow had settled on the shoulders of his coat, and I came to stand beside him, a couple of meters away. Sometimes I wondered if I would have done it again, given the choice. Looking at where it had gotten me the question left me feeling lost and unsure. I didn´t know the answer.

"Did you read the file?" He wondered, sending me a sidelong glance.

"I know him", I said shortly, burying my hands in the pockets of my jacket.

He nodded, almost to himself, uncomfortably shuffling his feet.

"It was wrong, what I said about you", he said, turning to fully face me this time.

Needless to say I did not return the courtesy. Granted that this was the first time I talked to him after the mansion burnt down, but I still felt unusually on edge in his presence. The jaguar was tense, pacing relentlessly back and forth, looking for someone he could sink his teeth into.

"I…what you did…",

"Don´t", I interrupted him, our eyes locking for a brief couple of seconds.

"I understand", he said after a while, nodding once more.

"Just know that I respect you Kai, even if you don´t like me".

"I don´t like many people", I said, almost apologetically.

He nodded, looking vaguely amused.

"Any news about Papov?" I inquired, intent on steering the conversation over on a safer topic.

He shrugged.

"We think he will spill his guts just after Christmas, when people are at home in front of their televisions", he said, voice dripping with badly hidden poison.

Much like me he seemed to view Papov as somewhat of a snake. From what I could remember he was a manipulator, one of those who pried on the weak and needy, twisting their thoughts and ripping their already confused minds apart, until he could direct and use them as he saw fit. My predator self resented such a nature, was provoked by it. Playing games with prey was one thing, but slowly, deliberately inserting your poison, that was something else entirely.

"He is currently in New York, staying at the Hiltons", Lee paused, regarding me with an ironic stare.

"Living off of the foundation you set up after what happened with Boris".

The bastard. In the aftermath of Boris being arrested I had initiated the creation of a fond that would provide all those who had suffered in the Abby with education, food, a home. It was enough to ensure a decent life, a good one even. Well, I suppose it should only be expected. They had no reason to be grateful, not after what had been done to them. I more than anyone could sympathize with that, even if it only served as throwing oil on a bonfire. And if there was one thing I felt certain of, it was that he would burn. Ian Papov would burn, and then he would scream.

"Hn", I responded offhandedly, eyes darkening as I gazed up at the now pitch black sky.

"Why are you helping me?"

The question seemed to take him by surprise, and he shifted uncomfortable under my scrutiny. Most people became uneasy when I stared at them for a longer period of time; obviously he was no exception.

"As I said, I….respect you", he said in a low voice, eyes strangely subdued when he hesitantly met my flinty gaze.

"You don´t owe me anything", I stated, still staring.

He shrugged, and we remained next to each other for a while, both enjoying an oddly comfortable silence. Then we nodded at each other in silent agreement, before I turned, stalking inside. Even if he seemed to be on my side there was still Hiro´s most unwelcome presence. They undoubtedly had some kind of relation, and I didn´t like it, considering that it seemed to be somehow connected to me. As always I was a loner, and no matter what Lee did I would never trust him. I had learned from my mistakes.

I had just stalked inside, and was busy removing the jacket when my phone started ringing. At first I just froze, mind buzzing with confusion, and then hope. Was there a chance, even the slightest of possibilities, that it could be her? No, of course it is not her I inwardly snapped. Why would she call you?

"Hiwatari", I answered, voice a bit harsher than necessary.

"I…it is Frankie", she answered, and I suddenly felt all stupid and awkward once again.

"You know, from the crash".

"Yes of course", I said, and we lapsed into an uncomfortable silence.

"You said….said that I could call if I was not uh….not feeling well", she hesitantly stated, voice unsure.

I was silent for a few moments, looking around for any potential witnesses before responding.

"Should I…..come over?"

"I..well I didn´t….oh never mind, it would be nice if you…if you came", she rambled, and I smiled despite myself.

"I´ll be there in an hour", I said.

A slow, uncomplicated smile graced my features. An hour, just an hour….

* * *

**Okay, please please please review!:D**


	6. Chapter 5

**Authors note:...**

* * *

**.**

**When it burns**

**Chapter 5**

**.**

* * *

About 2 minutes after dessert I snuck out. The others were busy talking, carrying their plates to the kitchen, and in general being rather ignorant of their surroundings. I sent Rey a silent thought of apology for leaving so early, and then the party was already forgotten on my part, as I stalked outside. It was still snowing, and a few centimetres had already settled on the hood of the A5. With a barely audible sigh I used the sleeve of my coat to wipe away the snow on the windshield; it was about time I started using the garage.

The engine awoke with a soft hum, and I backed up, swerving left onto the road, in the direction of the city. Of course, the Ferrari was better, but I would admit that the A5 was excellent, probably better also now that it was snowing. The roads were mostly empty, and I drove faster than usual, heart pounding anxiously in my chest.

It is just a girl, I reminded myself for what had to be the thousandth time in the last hour. Somehow it was still different. She was different. I wondered what she wanted, if she was interested at all. Then again she had called. Surely there had to be something there?

Sex was something I understood, something….tangible. It was pleasure without any further commitment, it was uncomplicated. Most women enjoyed it, so long as you gave it some time, had patience enough to figure out what they liked. It was the aftermath that always made me confused, not the act itself. The emotions, that was what I couldn´t handle. The talking, always the talking. Still, here I was. No sex, just talk. I had only known her for what, 12 hours? I doubted there would be any mention of sex at all, and perhaps, for once, that would be a good thing.

I parked across the street from her building, inhaling deeply a few times before I opened the door, stepping out into the snow. It was colder here than at my place, and although I wasn´t particularly bothered I pulled the coat on anyway. The door to the building was not locked, which alarmed me somewhat, and I made my way up the stairs with renewed enthusiasm. She lived in number 8, at the third floor, and I paused outside the door, hesitantly knocking two times before standing back.

Moments later she opened the door, peeking outside and smiling when she spotted me, a slight blush creeping up her cheeks. I smiled back, once again drawn in, despite my better judgement. Her hair was loose, flowing down her back in soft waves, and she self-consciously tucked a lock behind one ear, deep blue grey eyes shyly staring at me.

"Hi", she said, opening the door in an invitation.

"Hi", I responded, wondering why I suddenly felt so awkward.

"Just come inside, you must be freezing", she exclaimed, smiling again.

"Hardly", I answered automatically in my usual arctic manner, immediately regretting myself when she bit her bottom lip in confusion.

I hung my coat in the closet out of habit, curiously looking around as I kicked off my shoes and followed her further inside. It was not by any means a large place, but more than sufficient for her I suppose. Part of me was annoyed that she was living here, and not somewhere more luxurious. She was beautiful, she deserved something better. Still, it felt like home, and everything was clean and neatly arranged, with an unmistakable personal touch. There were paintings and photographs on the walls, an oriental inspired carpet on the floor, and a few lit candles on the living room table.

"Did I…disturb something?" She wondered, eying my suit with frightened curiosity.

Was she afraid of me? The idea made something tighten uncomfortably in my chest, and I dismissed the thought. No need to make things worse than they had to be. The predator in me felt unsure, unfamiliarity radiating from it. This new sensation of uncertainty was foreign, unsettling.

"You gave me an excuse to leave a Christmas party, nothing major", I said, half smiling when she laughed softly.

"You don´t like Christmas parties?"

I shrugged, struggling to not stare at her for longer than what was appropriate. Her cinnamon coloured freckles looked strangely beautiful, complimenting her pale complexion. I wondered what it would feel like if I kissed her, touched her…

"They are okay", I said neutrally.

"Just a bit…boring".

She smiled, nodding in response.

"Thank you for coming", she said, looking up at me through long, dark lashes.

"I was just feeling a bit…lonely, and then you told me to call and…", she trailed off, her blush deepening when I looked at her.

"I…it was nice of you to invite me", I said diplomatically.

We lapsed into silence, no one daring to address the issue at hand. Clearly she was not feeling ill, but she had still called. And, for some irrational reason I had left a party to come here, even though I barely knew her. How strange.

"Would you like some hot chocolate?" She timidly asked, nervously tugging at the edge of the table, fidgeting.

"Sure".

She disappeared into the kitchen, and I absently removed my suit jacked, standing to closer examine the photos. The smallest wall, next to the opening leading to the kitchen, was covered in them, and I stepped closer, utterly fascinated. Horses, there were horses everywhere. One large black one, and then a smaller one, who as a baby looked to be black, and then gradually became grey. At what appeared to be the most recent pictures he still looked all awkward with long legs and a head to big for his body, and I was vaguely amused. I recognised her in a few of the pictures, jumping fences on the black horse, galloping over a field, kissing the grey one on his muzzle. What a lucky bastard.

"My boys", she elaborated, and I looked up, only to find her standing a few feet away, holding two steaming cups.

"You compete?" I wondered, noticing that she was wearing white pants and a black jacket in a few of the pictures, several ribbons attached to horse´s bridle.

She nodded, handing me one of the cups, our fingers touching. I could feel an almost electrical current surge through me at the contact, my skin burning from were she had touched me. A startled look was evident in her eyes, before she took a step back, quickly pulling herself together.

"I used to, now that I am here the horses are at home in Nevada, my parents own a ranch", she explained.

"You could not bring them here?"

"It is too expensive, and then law-school takes up a lot of time".

"And money", she added as an afterthought, shaking her head.

"Of course", I responded, still looking at the pictures.

She looked so happy, smiling and laughing in most of the shots. In the others she looked concentrated, focused. I had been taught how to ride when I was younger, and although it had been a few years I could recall enjoying it. There was something about the power, the speed, which was enticing. And of course the unpredictability, seeing as you were dealing with a live animal with its own ideas and opinions.

"So, what do you do?" She politely asked, as we sat down next to each other in the sofa, facing the television.

She did not know? I eyed her with mild amusement, and also a sense of….was it relief? Perhaps she had actually wanted to see me, not just because of the money or whatever. She just looked at me, seemingly huge, innocent eyes, regarding me shrewdly. I smiled.

"You did not look at the business card?"

"I…well yes, but its just, you are so young. No older than me", she said.

I shrugged.

"Voltaire Hiwatari, my grandfather, passed away two years ago, I was his only heir".

"I am so sorry!" She immediately gushed, clearly regretting asking me in the first place.

"No worries", I said, taking a sip of my hot chocolate, it was divine.

She looked distinctly uncomfortable in my presence, and I could tell that she was keeping an eye on me, for whatever reason. Then again most people did. I knew that there was something about the way I moved, carried myself, that tended to make people uneasy in my vicinity. However, I didn´t want her to be one of them.

"How is your head?" I asked, turning slightly to look at her.

"G..good", she quickly responded, her voice unsure.

We sat next to each other for the remainder of the evening, sipping hot chocolate and watching silly Christmas movies. It was oddly comfortable, and when she moved a bit closer I rested my arm on the back of the sofa in a not so subtle invitation. She snuggled close, and we watched in silence as the Grisvold family proceeded to decorate their house with limited success. I could smell her shampoo, feel her slight, feminine frame press against my side. Needless to say my self control was put to the test.

I left after the movie, sensing that she was tired. It had been…nice. Strange but nice. She was looking slightly flustered as she followed me to the door, cheeks a rosy pink, and full, pouty lips turned up in the corners, a shy smile gracing her features. She was wearing jeans and a thick sweater, and I had long since noticed how the fabric clung to her lower body like a second skin.

"Thank you fir coming", she said, watching as I slipped on the coat.

"The pleasure was all mine", I responded, aware of her blush increasing at my words.

"Perhaps….perhaps you could join me for dinner, after Christmas?" I wondered, masking my awkwardness with a coolly assertive look, sensing that this confused her.

"I would love to", she smiled brightly, eyes shining.

"I…I am leaving for Nevada tomorrow morning, I´ll be there a week".

"The week after then?" I inquired, smiling now that she had actually agreed.

She grinned.

"Tuesday?"

"Tuesday", I confirmed.

I left feeling almost giddy with pleasure, smiling stupidly as I more or less ran a victory lap around the car before unlocking it and starting the engine. YES! Yes, Yes, YES! I could not believe my own luck, and courage for that matter. I had never asked a girl out before, at least not like this, not when I did not expect anything in return. Not because, because I wanted more than sex. I was already nervous I realized, running a hand through my hair with a combination of stress and intense joy. Grandfather would have been outraged, and this small fact alone was more than enough to make me almost insanely happy.

When I finally arrived home the party appeared to be over, and the only light in the house next to mine came from the kitchen. A dark haired figure was moving around inside, and I briefly shook my head in exasperation. Of course Rey was left alone to do the dished. Max and Tyson, the idiots. That being said I did not go there to help him out, so I suppose I was not much better, everything considered. My thoughts went back to Frankie, and I grinned as I unlocked the door, only to discover that the door was in fact open.

My entire being went into attack mode in the blink of an eye, and I looked around, suddenly feeling tense and on edge, focused. Cool excitement at a potential confrontation washed through me, and I let the coat and suit jacket fall soundlessly to the floor, eyes and ears on alert as I snuck into the kitchen. To my immediate disappoint it was Tala who was standing there, leaning casually against the kitchen island. I felt a bit bad. Part of me had hoped, longed….for what? The hunt, the blood, a small voice whispered. I ignored it.

"Tala", I acknowledged, grabbing a couple of beers from the fridge, throwing him one.

We settled in the living room, me stretched out on the coach, while he settled in one of the arm chairs. I noted that he had chosen the one he and Bryan had been forced to replace, after the incident three years ago. An amused smirk tugged at the corner of my mouth, and Tala smiled sardonically, appreciatively patting the black leather. Of course he remembered. I suppose it was only fair. Despite my previous dislike for Bryan he was now working for me, keeping an eye on things in Russia.

"No news about Papob", Tala stated offhandedly, thoughtfully tapping his fingers against the can.

I eyed him with mild interest, conspiratorially narrowing my eyes.

"Hn".

He rolled his eyes at me, smirking. For some reason he always found it amusing that I rarely spoke in whole sentences. Unlike the others he was also much more comfortable in my presence, and even when I was deliberately being intimidating he rarely gave anything away. Not so much as a flinch. Obvious adoration glinted in ice blue eyes when he leaned forward, smile disappearing.

"A package arrived today, we couldn´t track who sent it", his voice was even, but I could detect a hint of uncertainty in it, hesitation.

"Hn".

He rolled his eyes again, retrieving something from the inner pocket of his blazer. It was a cd, and he placed it on the table between us, the glossy surface reflecting in the glass. Three initials were written in black on one side. K.A.H. Kai Alexander Hiwatari. I picked it up, slowly twirling it back and forth between two fingers.

"What is on it?" I wondered, gaze never leaving said item.

"You should probably see for yourself", Tala said, making an almost imperceptible gesture with one hand, like a man adjusting his chuffs.

I sent him an annoyed look, bristling with irritation as I stood up, turning on the tv and then the DVD player. So long as it was not some sex tape I told myself, hoping with all of me that it wasn´t. If Papov really intended to come clean the timing couldn´t have been worse. Or perhaps not, perhaps a sex tape could serve as a distraction. My thoughts returned to Frankie, and I clenched my jaw, teeth gritted. Fuck! Somehow I felt that she wouldn´t appreciate it.

With a sense of dread I pushed the play button on the remote, sitting back down to watch, reserved acceptance washing through me. The screen was black for a few moments, and I was suddenly confused as the unmistakable sounds of animals and insects filled the room. What the fuck was this? Then the picture came, sporting what appeared to be bright green rainforest. Something was moving through the undergrowth, silent and deadly, almost invisible. Here and there my eyes caught a glint of yellow and black, of cool amber eyes, sharp white teeth.

The recognition was instant, and I leaned back into the coach, wave after wave of bottomless fear causing my entire being to tense in anticipation. Then the creature snuck out from underneath plants and bushes, gracefully padding down over a few sharp rocks, settling by a small dam encircled by trees. He had nothing to fear; he was on top of the food-chain, utterly unmatched, and he knew it. There was a cold, assessing intelligence is his eyes, a self assured confidence in every movement. The ultimate hunter, that was what he was, the jaguar.

I sat frozen, eyes fixed on the screen as he saw something move in the water, deep slanted eyes sparkling with curiosity. It was a turtle, and he fearlessly waded into the shallow pond, using one paw to pull the poor creature closer. The turtle bit him, but he was unmoved, eyes narrowing in mild excitement. He followed the turtle a few more meters before trying again, forcing it up to the surface, jaws opening wide and then closing around the edge of the shell. I watched as he struggled to get a proper hold of it, purposefully carrying the turtle into the undergrowth.

There he lied down, proceeding to tear the shell apart. He took his time, long, sharp teeth, tearing and ripping. Out of all the big cats the jaguar has the most powerful bite. The word itself, Jaguar, comes from what the natives used to call him, yaguar; "he who kills with one bite". Both me an Tala sat in an uneasy silence, watching as he gorged himself on turtle. It didn´t take him more than a minute to penetrate the shell, and then he systematically tore it to pieces, eating as he went.

None of us said anything for a while, and I gazed emptily at the screen. It turned black as he once more disappeared in the undergrowth, his richly coloured coat providing excellent camouflage.

I felt numb, frozen in time, all my previous joy forgotten in an instant. At the back of my mind a voice was screaming, snarling and seething. The reminder was crushing, and I slowly reached for the remote, turning off the DVD player. Then I stood up, despite myself pacing relentlessly back and forth, tense, furious,….burning.

"You have no idea who sent this?" I asked, voice harsh, brittle.

Tala just looked at me, shaking his head.

"We are doing all we can, but so far, no".

I sent him a withering look, stopping to glare at him.

"Do you….see the resemblance?" I inquired bitterly, glare intensifying as Tala looked down, resting his head in his hands.

"You should take this as a compliment", he said in a low voice.

"Compliment?" I sneered.

He shrugged.

"I…it was Voltaire´s comparison, and it was a grand one", he offered.

"Whoever sent this must have high thoughts of you, the jaguar is a very impressive creature".

He was trying, but failing miserably at making things better, and I bared my teeth without smiling.

"It is a reminder", I said, voice laced with fury.

With a sigh Tala looked up to meet my eyes dead on.

"Then they will soon realize that it was a mistake"….


	7. Chapter 6

**Authors note: So sorry about the wait, but here you go, another chapter;)**

**REVIEWS?**

**LePetitPoney: Fantastic that you left a review! Thank you so much! :D I really appreciate the fact that you like the way I have written Kai, because this is something I constantly worry about with this story. As for Frankie that was completely my intention, and please do tell if you think her character is out of place. As you said she is a bit like an OC, so I am struggling a bit with the originality issue;) Rest assured I will continue updating! Thanks again!:D**

**KirayHimawari: Thank you so much for yet another fantastic feedback! You are absolutely right, it is someone who knew about Kai´s relation to Voltaire and how they interacted. Great that you still see Voltaire´s presence, because I sometimes find it hard to implicate him without it getting to obvious you know.**** Great that you liked both chapters also, and especially the chess scene! I kind of want to show also the friendly part of their relationship. Awsome that I have your attention! And I really hope you´ll like this chapter also, thanks again! :D**

* * *

**.**

**When it burns**

**Chapter 6**

**.**

* * *

_Have you ever experienced darkness? _

_No, probably not. Most people consider darkness a late winter night, the moment right after twilight settles. But this is not total darkness, not the empty, black thing that is the closets to being blind I have ever gotten. It is a pitch black darkness, so dark that you can´t differentiate your own arm from your surroundings. So dark that you can´t see the wall before you stagger right into it._

_It was cold as well, so cold. When they brought me inside I had gotten a quick glimpse of the layout of the room. Only a glimpse, when they closed the door all light disappeared, and even with my superior night vision I could barely see a thing. The first few hours I had been blind, more or less. Now I could at least see my hands, given that I held them up close. _

_At first I had been terrified, almost paralyzed with fright. Then, as time passed my mind seemed to have realized that I was left here, no one would come for me anytime soon. To tired to stay in panic mode any longer I had settled on a dull, aching angst, the sound of my ragged breath and thundering heart all that could be heard. I could have been sitting there for days, or perhaps only hours. It didn´t matter. Everything was unchanged, dark and lonely. Time became relative._

_With shivering hands I curled up in the corner I believed to be the furthest away from the door. It was so dark that I couldn´t quite tell. The ground was rough and uneven, cold, and it smelled of old and dense earth. I scraped up my knees as I crawled blindly around, struggling to find a comfortable position. I was naked, and my hands and ankles had been bound. That was the first thing I had done upon arriving in the room, used the edge of a sharp rock to remove the restraints. _

_Now I was bleeding from several smaller scratches, and the air was filled with the coppery scent of fresh blood. My blood. It smelled metallic, salty, and I wondered if they had left me here to die. That was my deepest fear of all. That they would leave me to rot, alone and forgotten to face eternity. It frightened me to an extent that I didn´t quite understand, and I inhaled, suddenly becoming aware that my teeth were rattling. _

_I heard them coming long before the door was actually opened, and my breath hitched in my throat, a flare of renewed panic causing my entire being to tense in anticipation. The voices were angry, and I recognized grandfather´s footsteps. He was furious, and I covered anxiously in the corner, struggling to remain calm, at least on the outside. _

_Moments later the door was torn open, and I somehow managed to stand, back pressed against the cold stone wall for support. At first the light made my eyes ache, and I fixed my gaze on the floor, head spinning from the sudden movement after sitting still without water for a long time. It hurt, and I slowly focused my eyes on grandfather, face void of all emotion. His jaw was clenched, mahogany eyes wild with fury. He waved one arm, and instantly someone was at my side, warm rugs being wrapped around my frame. _

_I was no longer shivering, but my breath was steaming from the cold, and I tensed up as grandfather approached me, gently placing a hand on the side of my face. It hurt, and it took all my willpower to not cringe away from his touch. _

"_Kill whoever placed him here", he said, brushing his foul hand over my cheek once more._

_The words were spoken with obvious restraint, indulging eyes resting on me as I pulled the rug tighter around my shoulders, limping through the door. Perhaps I should have felt bad, felt compassion towards those who would undoubtedly be executed within the hour. _

_I did not._

_The only thing I felt was relief. _

_._

_._

That night the nightmares returned. For hours on end I lay tossing and turning, my mind hovering just in between sleep and full awareness. Memories were being dragged to the surface, old wounds torn open, and faded scars were once again plainly visible. When I finally awoke I was on the floor, drenched in sweat, my chest heaving like I had just run a marathon. Needless to say I felt like shit.

With obvious effort I inhaled deeply, blinking a few times before sitting up. My hands were trembling, and I stumbled out of bed, agitatedly rubbing my temples as I staggered into the bathroom. My eyes hurt when I turned on the light, and I opened and closed them a few times, splashing water in my face. It was 4 O´clock in the morning, and I looked almost as bad as I felt. My hair was in a complete disarray, and a large bruise was gradually emerging over one cheekbone, probably originating from falling out of bed. I couldn´t recall what exactly I had dreamt, which I suppose was a good thing. Sometimes it is better to just forget.

Part of me was frightened. Not so much of the current situation, but rather my own reaction to it. Papov, the guys, Frankie, and now this stupid film; it was starting to become too much. Was I falling apart? Would I not be able to handle what was coming for me in the immediate future? Because I knew something was coming, and when it did I couldn´t afford any cracks in my resolve. In the aftermath of grandfather´s death I had been under the impression that things would become easier, less complicated. Two years later I knew how wrong I had been.

There is something about belonging to someone else that makes for an uncomplicated existence. Grandfather had ruled my life with an iron fist, and thus he had made most of the decisions I was now forced to make for myself. Then I didn´t have to think about where I would like to stay, what I would like to do; he would decide for me, and that was that. Freedom was not entirely as glorious as I had imagined, it left me feeling…..confused, lost in a world I struggled to fully understand and comprehend. He had been the constant in my life, and now he was gone, leaving chaos in his wake.

Which yet again led me back to the initial question; did I miss him?

With a sigh I once again rubbed my temples, already feeling the beginnings of a headache. The Muramasa was resting on a display stand by the window, and after only a moments hesitation I opened the closet, pulling on my fencing clothes and grabbing it on my way out.

The reasonable thing would probably be to go down to the training room at the ground floor. It was nice, wide and airy with mats on the floor, weights and some other stuff. Instead I ventured outside, the snow immediately masking my dark clothes, settling in my hair and swirling around my bare feet. I didn´t feel the cold.

It was a mesmerizing sight, and I stopped in the far corner of the garden, gazing up at the pitch black sky as the snow continued falling. What was I doing here? Why had I ended up like this? How come I was at this exact place, at this exact time. I drew the Muramasa in one fluid motion, the blade shimmering coolly in the dark. Somehow it managed to reflect what little light there was, and the hamon seemed to glow when I looked at it.

With practiced ease I parried a blow from an imaginary blade, gracefully twirling and dancing in complicated patterns around in the snow, my blood singing in my ears. My breath was forming steaming clouds in the crisp air, and when I finally went inside it was half past 6. It was still dark though, which suited me just perfectly.

The 24th of December, Christmas eve, it was unsettling. I curled up in the sofa at about 9 O´clock, having gone for a run, showered and made hot chocolate, and wondering what I should do. Rey had invited me to stay with him and the guys, and I was tempted to accept. I needed a distraction, something which could bring my attention away from Papov and the nightmares. Despite my better judgement I had actually bought them, my so called friends, Christmas gifts. I had no idea wheatear or not they would like them, but still, I had tried, made an effort for someone other than myself.

I had even bought a Christmas tree, and I felt oddly pleased when I looked at it. Okay, that was solely for my benefit, but still, it had something to do with Christmas. I was positive that two years ago such a thing would never have been on my mind. So far I had only put lights on it, and a few unopened crates with decorations were on the floor, sending me accusing looks I am sure. I took another sip of hot chocolate, intently watching as the lady on the TV proceeded to show off how a home should look when you decorated for Christmas.

To my surprise the doorbell rang, and I narrowed my eyes in barely contained irritation, putting my cup down a tad harder than necessary. Me spending some quality time with my favourite hot chocolate and the television only happened on very rare occasions; needless to say I did not appreciate disturbances. I stalked barefoot through the kitchen, only wearing sweatpants and a faded t-shirt. A gust of cold washed through the door when I opened, being met my four ridiculously happy faces. Rey, Max, Tyson and Kenny were on my doorstep, grinning like lunatics, and I before I had the time to protest they were inside.

"Merry Christmas Kai", were shouted at me from what felt like at least a hundred different directions, and I was left staring dumbfounded after them, as they barged into the house.

What the fuck!

"Hah! I knew it!" Tyson exclaimed, his voice coming from the living room.

"Kai didn´t decorate his tree yet! So much for our bet Max, I win!"

His voice was filled with self assured satisfaction, and I squared my jaw, glaring in his general direction. Rey played peacemaker by steering me to the sofa, quickly handing me another hot chocolate and a bowl of strawberries dipped in white chocolate. How he had managed that I had no idea, but I curled up in my previous space, once again feeling rather content.

"Kai, what do you want, blue or silver?" Max inquired, holding up a couple of girly looking angels.

Those I could definitely not remember buying.

"I dunno", I noncelantly said, shrugging.

"Silver", he happily decided, and I watched as the others started opening all the packages, proceeding to decorate the tree.

Rey appeared with more chocolate covered strawberries, cupcakes and something he referred to as glühwein. Apparently it was a German Christmas tradition, and it tasted divine. He sat down next to me, and we watched in silence as Max and Tyson argued about what went where on the tree, while Kenny was busy calculating exactly how much it could actually carry without breaking down. It was sort of nice, and somehow I felt normal. Perhaps that was part of what I valued about their friendship. With them I was different, good different. I smiled.

"So, how do you like Christmas so far?" Rey wondered, a smug smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

I sent him a sidelong glance, considering.

"Different", I acknowledged.

He nodded.

"Good".

"Good", I agreed.

With that I stood up, picking up a box and joining the others by the tree. We stood next to each other hanging things on the various branches, and it brought me a form of childish joy I couldn´t quite describe. Rey joined in as well, and about half an hour and a thousand discussions later the tree was done, glittering in blue, green, red and silver. I was rewarded with the honour of putting the star on the top, and we all stepped back to admire our handiwork.

The guys left about half an hour later. Rey to prepare the impending dinner, while Kenny and Max reluctantly agreed to go with Tyson for some last minute shopping. Apparently he had forgotten to by Hiro a Christmas present, and I silently enjoyed the idea that he would remember me before his stupid brother.

That was one thing I certainly did not look forward to for tonight, being forced to be civil with him. Part of me was still tempted to ditch the whole thing, but then what would I do instead? Somehow I didn´t like the idea of being alone, and it was after all a rather generous offer.

I contemplated calling Frankie, but dismissed the idea just as quickly as it occurred to me. Somehow I suspected that my stalker tendencies wouldn´t be appreciated. Better to let her wait, to not give her the upper hand by giving her to much attention. Stupid! I was treating it as a business meeting I realized, absently rubbing my temples with only a hint of frustration.

This whole thing was strange to me, foreign. The idea of wanting her as a potential….a potential what? I wondered, appalled at my own indecisiveness when it came to her. I was behaving like a childish fourteen year old.

With a barely audible sigh I went upstairs to look for a suit. This time I managed to find one I had bought myself, not one grandfather´s dubious gifts. It was black and simple, and I pulled on a black dress shirt as well, deciding that everything considered black on black went perfectly well with my current outlook on life. I then proceeded to gather up the gifts, before pausing briefly too turn off the lights. Outside the snow was still falling steadily, and I was filled with vague excitement as I once again knocked on the familiar entrance next door.

Of course it was Hiro who opened, and seeing as we were alone I did not acknowledge his presence in the slightest.

"Kai! You look fantastic tonight!" He exclaimed enthusiastically, winking.

I stared at him, shocked into silence, before quickly sidestepping his attempt at a hug. Instead my rude and not very considerate self shouldered past him, proceeding to hang up my coat and dry of my shoes. Seeing as I lived so close I hadn´t bothered to bring another pair.

"My my, you are certainly not very approachable", Hiro observed, closing the door and turning to look at me.

The comment made me angry. I don´t know. There was something about the words he used and the way he said them, that made me feel like a child being chastised for eating his mother´s chocolate chip cookies. Not that I had ever gotten the chance to do such a thing, but still. Right then and there I seriously considered punching him. Fortunately for him Max showed up at the last minute, happily giving me a jovial backslap and dragging me further inside, away from Hiro. I was almost disappointed.

The parents greeted me with a surprising amount of joy, and I caught Hiro´s amused look when I awkwardly answered their questions and struggled to keep a polite and assertive front. I know who your are, I know what you would like to do to those people his look said, accompanied by a slight smirk as our eyes locked briefly. What a fucking jerk. For some reason he rubbed me the wrong way, intentionally or not he had most definitely succeeded.

Dinner proceeded without further delay, and I ended up between Max and Rey, to my relief, and then to my deep displeasure Hiro ruined everything by seating himself across from me, smiling sweetly. I scowled back, quickly schooling my features when Max´s mother, who sat next to him, asked me to slice the turkey. I sent Hiro a warning glance, before standing up, receiving an impressed nod as I showed of my knife skills.

Ha! He would just have to watch out, unless he wanted to end up being carved open as well. What the fuck? Were did that come from? Of course I would never do such a thing, I suppose I was just….I don´t know. Perhaps it was the Christmas bear that was giving me strange ideas. Part of me wanted to laugh. This whole thing was just ridiculous. I could just imagine Rey´s look should I say such a thing out loud. It would have been hilarious. I suspected that they all thought I was much darker and scarier than I actually was, which was a good thing.

The rest of the meal went on without any major happenings. Hiro was flirting his ass off, and Rey´s eyes were narrowed in grim satisfaction as I pointedly ignored his advances up until the point of being offending. Not that I cared about such trivialities, but still, it was getting irritating. By the time dessert was served I was seething, hiding the anger behind a stone facade as I glared at him with something close to loathing. He even had the nerve to ask if I was bi, and when I said no he unhappily shook his head.

"What a shame".

At this point even Tyson´s father almost chocked on his food, and I impatiently tapped my fingers against the plate, raising both eyebrows with pleasure when Tyson kicked Hiro underneath the table. Again I liked the idea that I had his own brother on my side. Symbolically speaking that had to be a low blow.

To everyone's surprise the doorbell rang halfway through dessert, and Rey returned looking rather puzzled. He was carrying what appeared to be a CD. Just like the last time my initials were written in black, K.A.H. And just for good measure it came with a card.

"To Kai from Santa", Rey read out loud.

"Seems like it is time to start opening gifts", Tyson chimed in, grinning.

I stared at the CD, my heart sinking in my chest. From Santa. What should I do now? Once again I was in an impossible situation.

"Lets put it on", Hiro suggested cheerfully…..


	8. Chapter 7

**Authors note: Yay, chapter 7. A lot will happen here, so beware:)**

**PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!**

**LePetitPoney: Fantastic that you left another review, thank you so much! It is a relief that you liked the chapter, I am a bit unsure about this new one, seeing as quite a lot of things happen here, but we´ll see. Do tell if it feels rushed! Great that you liked the humour, I sometimes find it hard to properly incorportate it, especially when the story is supposed to be quite serious, anyway, thanks again!:D**

**KirayHimawari: Weee! Thank you so much for yet another absolutely great review! I know exactly what you mean about Hiro. I have also had this kind of strange dislike towards him, although I can´t quite decide why. You, Voltaire is sick! I am planning on adding another nasty flashback next chapter! :D Thanks again, you are awesome!:D**

* * *

**.**

**When it burns**

**Chapter 7**

**.**

* * *

The jaguar was lying still, too still. His head was resting on his paws, eyes dark and hooded, only a small streak of golden visible. His eyes were barely open. An odd silence had ensued in the living room, and I stared at the flat screen TV, feeling sick inside. He moved slightly, shifted his tail a bit. It was broken, and the upper part stood out in an unnatural angel. Whenever he moved large furless spots started bleeding, and he blinked rapidly, stilling once more. The camera zoomed out; slanted, amber eyes watching from behind solid steel bars. His flanks were heaving, his breath ragged and unnatural.

"What the fuck is this?" Tyson wondered, face contorted in disgust.

No one answered.

Gone was the shrewd, sharp glint in his eyes, the graceful, swift movements, the pride. Seeing something so magnificent reduced to this; it frightened me, because I, unlike the others, had immediately taken the badly hidden symbolical meaning. Watching him made something hurt deep inside my chest. He was a creature I could understand, because we were alike in so many ways. I hoped I would never end up like that, broken and beaten, reduced to lying still, waiting for death to come and claim me. The hunter now having become the hunted.

The screen turned black, and Rey slowly got to his feet, retrieving the CD. Everyone seemed speechless, confused. To Kai from Santa. How very appropriate. Mr and Mrs Tate looked slightly taken aback, while Tyson´s grandpa was staring at the screen, eyes narrowed.

"Dude, that is not from Santa", he mumbled to himself.

I suppose it would have been funny. Right then and there I couldn´t see the humour in anything. The jaguar in me watched with cool, assessing eyes, wondering where exactly the prey was now hiding.

"Gramps, shut up", Tyson said angrily.

Unsurprisingly they started arguing, and Max´s mother joined in as well, clearly not sensing when it was appropriate to stay out of family business. Kenny was watching them, mouth hanging open, catching flies. I slowly brushed a hand absentmindedly through my hair, wondering how a seemingly carefree evening could suddenly take such a sinister turn. With a sigh I got up, shrugging when the others looked at me. For once I did not know anything more than they did.

"Strange", Hiro commented, shaking his head.

The CD incident was not mentioned after this, although it took quite some time before the previously cheerful mood returned. About an hour or so later the others seemed to have forgotten everything about it, and the gift opening resumed with what I assumed was the usual enthusiasm, while I still contemplated the event. As it was it turned out I was not alone in my thoughts.

"It is not the first time, is it?"

Hiro of course. Who else? Somehow he always managed to pick up on the unfortunate details, for whatever reason. I spared him a cool glance, eyes cold.

"Perhaps", I allowed.

He nodded.

"I take it you don´t know who is sending them", he stated, looking deep in thought.

"Why are you interested?" I asked, suddenly feeling suspicious.

Hiro was someone I didn´t trust. I knew too little about him, and his connection to Lee was unfortunate. For all I knew he could be the one sending the CDs, although I highly doubted it. He was intelligent enough to never put himself this close to his target; clearly someone else was responsible.

"You interest me", he simply said, coming to sit beside me in the sofa.

It was tempting to move further away from him, seeing as he had invaded my personal space. Then again I wanted him to move; I was not about to roll over for anyone, as silly as that may sound.

"And why is that?" I inquired icily, sending him a warning glance.

He smiled slightly, obviously aware of my irritation. Still, he continued to push on, perhaps to see how much pressure he could apply before I exploded, I don´t know. With sudden determination, I turned, facing him fully, regarding with cool, assessing eyes. He looked taken aback for a moment, before he quickly pulled himself together.

"You are….different, from everyone else".

"Hn".

I looked away, smiling when Max bounced happily around after unpacking the gift I had bought him. It was a gift card for the local candy shop, providing all the chocolate he could eat, for free…..for one year. Tyson had gotten the same, and I could only hope that I wouldn´t regret this in a few weeks time. Rey rolled his eyes at me from across the room, and I smiled sheepishly back at him. Boy was he in for it now!

"Ambitious", Hiro said, grinning as well.

"Poor Rey".

"Poor Rey", I agreed.

"You are beautiful when you smile".

I abruptly looked up, glaring at Hiro. He just smiled.

"You are trying my patience", I said, seriously resisting the urge to punch him.

Had we been alone I probably would have. Hiro unnerved me. I could never be sure wheatear or not he was serious, or if he was just mocking me. Part of me was angry as well. I didn´t like compliments; somehow they always served to make things unnecessary difficult. Of course, it also reminded me of grandfather, of how he sometimes just watched me, like I was some prized possession. To him I probably was.

"I am sorry", Hiro said, for once sounding genuine.

This time I didn´t dignify his remark with any form of response. Instead I stood up, leisurely stretching, before grabbing my coke, coming to sit next to Rey in the other sofa. Hiro´s expression was something in between annoyed amusement and genuine regret, and I didn´t spare him another glance. As was already painstakingly obvious; I didn´t like him, not one bit. Rey gave me a comforting path on the shoulder, and the gift opening continued throughout the evening. It was nice, and when time came to leave I was more relaxed than I had been in a long time. Christmas was actually not so bad.

"Thanks for having me", I said seriously, bidding the others goodbye at about twelve O´clock.

"It was our pleasure", Max and Tyson exclaimed.

This time I actually allowed them to hug me, and bid Rey and Kenny goodbye as well, before I gathered up my things and walked the short distance back to my own place. I had not received a lot of gifts, but for me it had been more than enough. A sweater from Max, the whole season of Beyblade News from Tyson, some computer stuff I didn´t understand from Kenny, and then Rey had bought me tickets for Black Sabbath´s reunion concert in spring. Of course one was for him, but quite honestly I didn´t know who else I should have gone with. Personally that was the gift I preferred the most, and part of me was already looking forward to it.

With a yawn I unlocked the door, carefully placing all the gifts on the small table out in the hall. I looked around, uneasy. Someone was there. This time I felt certain that it was not Tala. All he lights were turned off, and the only reason I knew was because of the uncanny ability of mine, the one no one understood, not even I myself. I could hear his breath, even and slow, almost non-existent. He was trained then, and I slid forward through the dark, muscles coiled and ready. I could actually see him, he was sitting by the kitchen island, in plain sight, which for some reason irked me.

I stopped in the opening, saw his frame shift slightly when he spotted me. No one moved. He was slight of build, almost feminine, but his nose I would have recognised anywhere. So here he was, finally. I turned on the light, revealing messy black hair slicked back, and cool, muddy-green eyes. Ian Papov. It was such a long time ago that I had seen him in the Abby. He was a bit taller now, more…..mature, at least he looked it. Then again one could also think that of Tyson, before he decided to open his mouth that was.

He watched me guardedly as I strolled further inside the kitchen, hanging my suit jacket over one chair and unbuttoning the first few buttons on my shirt.

"Milk?" I asked, opening the fridge, before retrieving a glass.

He shook his head, looking slightly taken aback.

"No thank you", he said, his voice deeper and a bit more raspy than I could remember.

I shrugged, pouring some for myself before taking a seat opposite him. The taste was divine, cool and refreshing. I preferred it ice cold, right from the fridge. Ian Papov observed me with a certain fascination as I took a sip, savouring the taste with half closed eyes.

"I didn´t know you liked milk", he said, puzzled.

"I have learned to appreciate the small things in life", I responded, pouring myself some more.

"Why are you here?"

He shrugged as well, rubbing the bridge of his over proportioned nose with one hand.

"I don´t know, curiosity I suppose", he paused, still intently watching me.

"I wanted to see for myself what had become of you".

"Hn".

I regarded him with a cool stair, leaning back in my chair, arms resting behind my head.

"You are different, but still the same".

"So are you, what little I can remember", I said.

He nodded, and we lapsed into silence. It is strange to say, but I was far more relaxed around him than I was around Hiro. Ian Papov was predictable in a way; I knew were we stood. His background being the same as mine gave us a common understanding of life. Even if he was out to get me that was something I could grasp and understand without fearing hidden motives and agendas.

"Will you deny that you spent time in the Abby?" He asked, eyes glued to my face.

"It never happened", I responded evenly, ironically raising both eyebrows.

"Of course not", he admonished.

I looked up as my ears picked up the sound of footsteps outside. Moments later someone knocked on the door, and then promptly entered. We looked at each other, and I felt my heart sink as I recognised the voice.

"Kai? Are you there?"

It was Hiro. Of course it was Hiro. I visibly paled at the realization.

He entered the kitchen moments later, smiling at me, before sending Ian Papov a questioning look. Said person just looked at him, seemingly unmoved. Fuck the both of them! Sometimes I wondered what I had done to deserve such bad luck. Quite frankly it was more than enough with one of them, and furthermore it was Christmas. I had always been under the impression that at this time of year your wishes were supposed to come true. Clearly mine had not, or I had been a bad boy. I suppose the latter option was closer to home than what I´d like.

"You forgot this", Hiro said, placing the CD on the kitchen counter.

That got Papov´s attention, and I instantly concluded that they came from him. Not very surprising, everything considered. He probably had more of them.

"Milk?" I asked sweetly, baring my teeth without smiling in Hiro´s general direction.

"No thank you", he replied just as sweetly, sitting down next to Papov, uninvited.

"Well, I suppose I should leave", Ian said after a while, still looking at me.

"These are for you", He said, fishing a batch of CD-covers from inside his jacket.

He placed them on the table between us, almost apologetically. The gesture surprised me, and I spared him a searching look, somewhat intrigued. We both knew what was most likely on those CDs; why would he merely hand them to me like this, when the strategic thing would so clearly be to continue sending them.

"Take care Kai", he said seriously, nodding briefly at me as he left.

"Likewise", I said shortly, voice clipped, although I had still surprised myself somewhat.

This left me alone with Hiro, and he looked just as curious as I felt. He reached for a CD, but abruptly withdrew his hand when I glared at him. I watched him attentively, in between sipping ice cold milk, feeling uncharacteristically protective of the CDs. He made feel invaded, and I didn´t like it. Right now I needed my alone time to think, to plan ahead. His presence was disturbing me, and furthermore, he had effectively put an end to my conversation with Papov.

"Do you know what is on there?" He tried, putting up his puppy dog expression.

I didn´t suit him at all, and I had long since become immune to such pitiful tricks.

"No".

He raised one eyebrow, looking utterly unimpressed.

"Oh".

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I asked bluntly, turning to put the milk carton back in the fridge.

"I told you; you forgot your CD".

I slammed the door to the refrigerator slightly harder than necessary, tensing with one hand pressed flat against the stainless steel surface. Why could he not just be honest with me? It was the sneaking around that made me so angry, not all the other shit. All I wanted was a straight answer for once, surely that couldn´t be so hard could it?

"You know what I mean".

I felt him move behind me, and my training kicked in immediately. One moment he had his hand pressed against my neck, effectively trapping me against the fridge, and in the next I had spun left, as he clumsily tumbled to the floor. He regained his balance quickly, rolling backwards and onto his feet, out of my reach. I eyed him with badly hidden curiosity, stealthily sidestepping him when he launched himself at me for the second time. He had overcompensated, and crashed into the counter, doubling over in pain as his stomach connected with the sharp edge.

"I….just, had to….see how fast….you were", he gasped, sinking to the floor, a stupid grin plastered on his face.

I sat down by the kitchen island again, looking doubtfully at him. He was…strange. For the first time in my life I found myself at a complete loss of words, utterly speechless and confused. What was up with this guy? Why was he acting like this? I gazed at him, thoroughly puzzled. He staggered to his feet, brushing one hand through his hair. Only to aid my confusion he was still grinning like a lunatic.

"Can I stay here?" He asked.

"No", I said.

He only shrugged, apparently not offended at all, which irritated me beyond belief. Whatever I said to this guy he just seemed to brush it off like it was nothing.

"Looking forward to our next meeting Hiwatari", he said, winking before he grabbed his jacket, sauntering out in the hall.

I followed him out, locking the door after him. My head felt as if it was about to explode. Too much shit had happened today, far too much. Part of me wondered what grandfather would have done in my position. How would he have gotten rid of someone like Hiro? Killed him, probably, my mind whispered conspiratorially. That I couldn´t do. Then again it was clear that he was playing some kind of game. Whatever his motives were they were ambiguous at best, and I didn´t like the idea of being caught off guard later. There was also the problem of him being Tyson brother. This meant that I had to thread more carefully than usual.

With a sigh I turned the lights off, grabbing my phone and stalking upstairs. I called Tala.

"Kai? It is half past 1, and it is Christmas".

He sounded tired, and slightly accusing.

"You didn´t have to answer", I said sulkily.

This last half hour had been bad for me. Right now I was in no mood for being questioned. His voice was rough from sleeping, and I realized that I had probably woken him up. Yeah, well, what can I say. I have never been a very considerate person.

"I always answer when you call", he said, voice soft.

There was a pause in which I struggled to find something to say. I wasn´t sure why I had called him to begin with. My mood was strange, melancholy, confused. Suddenly I did not want my alone time at all. Funny how that worked. The predator in me was sleepy, drowsy even, and I collapsed on my back on the king size bed in my room.

"Kai?" Tala questioned, suddenly sounding much more awake.

"Yes?"

He paused.

"Kai, is there anything I can do for you?"

I studied the ceiling, suddenly feeling embarrassed, what the fuck was wrong with me?

"I want you to donate five million dollars to an animal organisation that works to protect jaguars", I said.

He was silent for a while, and then;

"In your name?"

"Yes".

"Okay", he said.

"Thank you", I said, and then I hung up.

I undressed slowly, feeling odd and out of place. Outside it was completely dark, and when I finally crawled underneath the covers the clock was almost half past one. Ian Papov had come here, to talk it appeared, and then Hiro had showed up, almost like he knew that I would have a visitor. Was it a coincidence? Somehow I doubted it. He had effectively put an end to our conversation, prevented me from discovering why Papov was actually there.

The spiders web was becoming more complicated, and ever more pieces were getting stuck in it. This was about to get out of hand, a million times more complicated than the chess board ever was. In the future I would need what grandfather had taught me, all of it, even if that was something it pained me to admit….


	9. Chapter 8

**Authors note: Yay, I am on a roll! Here is a long romantic chapter for you;)**

**REVIEWS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE?!:)**

**KirayHimawari: You are just fantastic! Thank you so much for yet another wonderful review! Hiro, what can I say. I am kind of improvising a bit as far as he is concerned, but you are totally on it; he is a bit creepy in this story. Especially in the last chapter. I have plans for him, don´t you worry;) Your comparison to Voltaire was interesting, that I have not thought about, but it gave me a great idea! What are your thoughts on including Boris in the plot? I have to admit that writing that first part about the jaguar was really difficult, it is something about watching an animal suffer that is just unspeakable. Anyways, thanks again, and take care! :D:D:D**

**LePetitPoney: Thank you so much for leaving yet another feedback, you have no idea how much it is appreciated. It is a relief that you did not find the last chapter to rushed. I sometimes do that when I am eager about something, and then everything just becomes a mess. Trust me, Hiro is meant to be disturbing, but do tell if I take it too far. As for Frankie she is back;) I have moved the story forward a bit time wise with this chapter, nothing major, but just so that she is back from Nevada. Thanks again for leaving a review!:D:D:D**

* * *

**.**

**When it burns**

**Chapter 8**

**.**

* * *

The next few days passed without any major incidents. My surprising donation to the care of jaguars was all over the news, and animal rights organisations were beside themselves with excitement. Feeling uncharacteristically cooperative I even agreed to do an interview for a local animal magazine. Tala oversaw the whole thing with obvious puzzlement, but didn´t comment, for which I was thankful. Sometimes I suspect that he thinks I am a bit strange.

Papov´s announcement had yet to be revealed in the media, and although I was slightly anxious about all the waiting I tried not to ponder it too much. He was probably trying to catch me off me guard, strike when it would really hurt. Tala was onto him of course, and although I hadn´t asked it off him I knew with a certainty that he had the jerk under surveillance. When he decided to drop the bomb Tala would warn me, and this fact alone was enough to give me at least a tiny illusion of control.

Grandfather would have killed him on the spot. He would have shown no mercy, and it would have been done all silent and discrete. I had actually toyed with the idea, considered it even, but then I had realized what I was actually planning; Killing someone, it was so….definite.

Part of me felt utterly lost and confused without him. My time spent in the Abby had created some sort of dependence in me, I couldn´t quite explain it. When the jaguar paced back and forth in his cage it was not necessarily because he wanted to leave; the door had been open for a very long time. On one hand he wanted nothing more than to break free, and then on the other the safety of the cage was oddly reassuring.

It still felt somewhat unreal that he was gone, that he would never return. Over the course of the last few days I had come to acknowledge that I did miss him, for whatever reason. The admission angered me to the point of it becoming unbearable, but I had learned long ago that deluding oneself rarely did any good. Experience had also taught me that when dealing with grandfather I became irrational and uneasy. Worryingly enough I felt equally uneasy without him.

I jogged downstairs, feeling uncharacteristically anxious. Rey was seated by the kitchen island, reading a book and wearing the sweater I had gotten him for Christmas. He was all puffy eyed and bright red in the face, and I realized that he had been crying. Apparently Ozuma had broken up with him the second day after Christmas, and since then he had been living with me, for god knows what reason. Not that I complained; he made breakfast, lunch and dinner, and the house didn´t feel so empty with him there.

Rey looked up from his book, both eyebrows quirking upwards in sudden interest. Perhaps I should have left him to his own devices.

"How come you look great no matter what you are wearing?" he questioned.

I shrugged, unfazed by his indignation

"What are you guys doing?"

"Dinner and a movie", I said somewhat sheepishly, annoyed by my own lack of creativity.

Then again I suppose we had to start somewhere. It was not like she had suggested anything else. Rey looked at me with obvious curiosity, the glint back in his eye so to speak.

"You must really like this girl", he said, suddenly in full investigation mode.

"What is her name?"

I grabbed my leather jacket and car keys, proceeding to put on my shoes.

"Frankie".

He nodded, still gazing intensely at me.

"Is it serious?"

"I don´t know", I answered honestly.

"It has to be, for you to be this riled up".

I sent him a death glare, and he quickly ducked behind the cover of his book. As if that would save him. Riled up, of course I was not riled up. Who the fuck did he think I was? Kenny?

"Kon, fuck off!" I said, voice clipped.

I caught him grinning at me as I left, obviously amused, and I quickly got in the car, determined to get away before his questions became more intimate. To my great pleasure the Ferrari FF had arrived the day before, in record time, and although it would still be a few weeks before my beloved 458 could be returned at least now I had something equally awesome to play with. It was large, with four seats and four-wheel drive. Definitely unusual for a Ferrari, but somehow they had still managed to keep the classic, striking and sports like lines of your typical Ferrari road car. I started the engine with a roar, backing up and onto the road. Hiro was busy checking the mailbox next door, and waved at me as I drove past. Needless to say the gesture was not returned.

Rey had this magic ability to keep Hiro out of my way, which was part of why I had allowed him to stay at my place. I suspected that unless I threw him out, or he got together with Ozuma again, which I had discovered was highly unlikely, he would stay indefinitely.

What exactly had happened I had no idea, and as per usual I was not interested enough to ask. If he felt like talking about it he probably would, and as far as I was concerned that was that. He had spoken to Hilary on the phone regularly the last few days, and I was more than happy to leave the crying and the despair to her. That was most definitely not something I was overly willing to deal with, or good at for that matter.

I parked across the street from Frankie´s building, engine running. Now that her arrival was imminent I was all nervous again, and with a sigh I absently ran a hand through my hair, wondering what it would be like seeing her again. I hoped with all of me that the evening would be successful, and although I felt slightly embarrassed about it Rey was right. Like he had so nicely put it; I was all riled up. Moments later she opened the door to the passenger seat, getting in. Her hair was loose, flowing down her back and over her shoulders in a silky, sexy mess. She smiled brightly.

"I figured you were the only one who would show up in a Ferrari in this area", she said.

She gave me a quick hug, and I gave up any attempt at forming a coherent sentence right then and there.

"Is this one new?" she wondered, and I realized that I was staring.

"Yes", I said shortly, making a quick u-turn.

"Are you happy with it?" She asked, looking at me playfully.

I registered that she was amused by something, but I wasn´t quite sure what.

"It is great", I said, slowly smiling at her.

"How was Christmas in Nevada?"

She shrugged, eyes visible softening. God she was pretty!

"Wonderful! It was so nice to see my family again, and the horses of course. I have really missed them".

I nodded in understanding, remembering the pictures in her apartment. Girls and horses; it always intrigued me how those two seemed to go hand in hand. The look in her eyes when she talked about them made me oddly envious. I would have liked that expression to be because of me.

"And you?" she inquired, eyes fixed on my profile.

"It was good, I spent it with my friends. In Russia we don´t celebrate Christmas like you do".

I was starting to feel at ease again, and we talked the whole way to the restaurant. With her I was someone else. Someone good. She brought out a whole new side to me, and it was a side I liked. My better self so to speak. She talked about the horses, her friends and family, school, and I listened, filing everything away for later. In turn I told her about the guys, work, a few random details of life with grandfather, without revealing anything of course. She intently watched me the entire time, striking blue-grey eyes glued to my face. It is the closest to blushing I have ever been. There was a strange sort of tension between us, a spark. I could feel it whenever she was close to me, whenever we looked at each other. It was strange, but undoubtedly exiting.

She had expressed that she would like to eat Asian, so I had reserved a table at a local Vietnamese restaurant. It was small and quite intimate, with warm lighting and inviting wooden floors and furniture. We were shown to a small table in a corner by the window, and we settled opposite each other. She looked radiant, and I had serious issues when it came to staring for long periods of time.

"I have never eaten Vietnamese before", she confessed, looking around the room with appreciation.

"It is usually good", I said, watching the dim light play across her smooth shoulders.

She was wearing a charcoal coloured pantsuit, which clung to her in all the right places. Her shoulders and arms were bare, and tiny rectangular crystals dangled from her ears. I shifted slightly to try and ease some of the tension in a certain place, thankful that we were not seated on the same side of the table. My own lack of self-control irked me, but then again it was not like I could go and jerk off in a restaurant. No girl had ever impaired my ability to think clearly to such an extent.

"So, what movie do you want to see?" She asked me, eyes glittering.

"You chose", I said

"Romantic comedy", she immediately said, smirking.

"Romantic comedy it is", I said with a certain reservation, inwardly groaning.

We looked at each other, and then she started laughing. It was a wonderful sound, and for the second time in an hour my ability to speak was momentarily taken away.

"I am just kidding!" She said, grinning.

"Your expression was priceless!"

I couldn´t help but smile ever so slightly. Normally I hated it when people laughed at me, whatever the reason, but with her it was different.

"How about that new James Bond movie, Skyfall?"

"I didn´t know you were one for action movies", I said, looking at her.

"It is James Bond", she said, as if that said it all.

"And I love action, and car films", she added.

"Car films?" I repeated, curious.

She nodded.

"The fast and furious movies, gone in sixty seconds, that sort of stuff. And I play Need for Speed on PS2".

That last sentence was said with a mischievous smile, and I couldn´t help but laugh.

"Perhaps we should have a Need for Speed showdown", I said.

"You bet we will!"

I smiled, wider this time. She made me feel normal, made me forget my past. For some reason she always had my undivided attention, and thus I was able to just relish the moment.

"Need for speed and Billy Idol, those are my guilty pleasures", she admitted, coquettishly brushing a stray lock of hair away from her face.

I tried to think of my own guilty pleasures, wondering what those were exactly. She locked at me expectantly.

"Billy Idol", I repeated, puzzled.

"Is he not quite old?"

She playfully kicked me underneath the table in mock offense, eyes twinkling with joy.

"He has the most sexy voice in this world, and he was handsome when he was young", she defended, leaning forward, both elbows on the table.

I was distracted by her cleavage and sudden proximity, but to my relief I somehow managed to keep my eyes on her face, and speak at the same time. Part of me felt like an idiot, but then again it was surprisingly okay. With her everything seemed to be. Rey should really have seen me now I reflected with some amusement. I would never have heard the end of it too be sure. And Tyson, that I wouldn´t even want to think about. Or Hiro for that matter.

"Your turn", she said, grinning.

I looked at her, somewhat in awe. My guilty pleasures, what were they? If I even had something like that. The concept seemed so normal, and yet it was foreign at the same time, something which had never fit in properly in my world. I marvelled at the fact that we were even talking about this, that I felt so comfortable in her presence. It both frightened and pleased me.

"Cars, samurai swords and hot chocolate", I said, feeling like a moron but realizing that I had to have done something right, because her face broke into a huge smile.

"Cars, sure, that one I expected, but samurai swords and hot chocolate?"

She laughed, leaning forward conspiratorially.

"What a fantastic combination".

"Billy Idol and Need for Speed is better", I replied.

Our food was served moments later, and the waitress, a middle aged Thai lady, smiled knowingly at us. We had both ordered duck, and it was served on two separate trays, so that we could taste each others food. I had eaten Vietnamese a few times before, but not in a place like this. It appeared to be a family business, and the atmosphere was warm and comfortable, relaxing.

"This is fantastic", she said, chewing with half closed eyes.

I smiled at her, a slow, charming and genuine smile. She looked taken aback for a moment, but quickly pulled herself together. A faint, pinkish blush was evident on her cheeks, and in my eyes she looked hot beyond belief. I briefly looked up when a couple of new guests entered the restaurant, registering that she stole some of my vegetables. It was a man and a woman, both in their forties I presumed. He was tall and dark haired, as was she, and I almost froze up completely when recognition washed over me like a bucket of icy cold water. No, it can´t be. Of course it can´t be. Deep down I knew that yes, it was her.

She looked good, happy, her dark chestnut hair in a pony tail, just like last time. My mother. Even thinking of her as that felt strange, and I wondered who he was; if he could be my father. The man I remembered from my dreams had looked vastly different. Perhaps she had remarried. A stab of painful tension settled deep in my chest, and suddenly I felt sad, bitter. The two of them hanged their coats in a closet. She was wearing jeans and a neat sweater. I watched intently as the Thai lady from earlier showed them to a table close by ours, and quickly reverted my attention back to Frankie. Her back was facing the entrance so she did not see them, although she seemed to have noticed my sudden laps of concentration.

"I am a bit absent sometimes", I excused, and she looked at me, puzzled.

My mother was busy looking through the menu, and from the corner of my eyes I could see her neatly folding a napkin before placing it in her lap. Old-fashioned then, or perhaps just well raised.

Frankie slowly shook her head, intently scrutinizing me.

"Not absent, just….different", she said, tilting her head to the side in contemplation.

I stared at her, unsure. Everyone seemed to think that lately, that I was different, just different. I didn´t know what that meant, if it was a good thing or a bad thing. Nothing can ever be normal, grandfather had once told me. I wasn´t so sure that I agreed, especially considered his perception of what was normal and what was not. As for my own the only thing I associated with the word was confusion.

"Different how?" I asked.

She shrugged, leaning slightly forward again.

"You are so restrained".

Both my eyebrows quirked upwards in an unspoken question, and she smiled shyly.

"Everything you do, when you move, when you talk, it is like it has a purpose, a silent confidence", she paused, looking at me.

"It is a turn on".

This time I smirked wolfishly in response, vaguely amused and pleased at the same time.

"So it is good different then?"

She chuckled lightly.

"Yes".

We did not have time for dessert, and after a stern look and a resonating "No", I made it clear that I was paying. She bit her lip, looking at me, and I was distracted, again. This time however, I was determined. No way was I letting her pay for dinner. I suppose I am old-fashioned that way, but there are certain rules. We had to run the last hundred meters to the cinema, and barely had the time to buy popcorn, which according to her was a necessity.

"Kai, it is James Bond! Of course we need popcorn".

I readily agreed, and we made it just in time for the opening credits. After I got to know the guys I had seen a few of the older James Bond movies, but otherwise I didn´t really have any cultural references to play on. I briefly wondered what it would have been like, growing up with my mother. For obvious reasons I had not gone to see her after returning to New York, and spotting her at the restaurant had been a blow below the belt. It was one of those reminders that always complicated things, that made me question my entire existence. Perhaps I should go and see them again. The thought upset me more than I liked to admit, but if anything I should at least try and face my fears, shouldn´t I?

Frankie shifted next to me, and I placed an arm around her, just like last time; a silent invitation. The opening credits rolled down, all graphic and bloody, accompanied by the solitary and oddly appropriate score from Adele. Frankie seemed utterly engrossed, and as the movie proceeded I pushed the thought of my mother away. Right now there were other things that were distinctly more interesting than her. It was a good film, and we discussed it the entire way home to her place. I parked the car in my previous spot, shutting down the engine and proceeding to follow her inside.

"Tonight was great", she said, unlocking the door to her apartment.

I smiled slightly, pleased.

"I had a good time as well".

"And you didn´t have to watch a romantic comedy", she said, smiling.

I remained outside, unsure as to what was expected of me. She paused to look at me, suddenly hesitant as she stood in the opening, one hand resting on the door handle. We stood quite close, and I carefully brushed a lock of her away from her face. It had a silk like texture to it, and I felt a certain part of my body stir when she took a step closer, our noses almost touching.

I leaned in, unsure, she did the same. A silent, confound moment passed between us, before I made a decision. I kissed her, my hands coming to rest on her shoulders. Her lips were soft, and she playfully stroked the underside of my tongue with hers, pressed flush against my chest as I slid my hands down her back, yanking her closer. I felt all my senses being ignited almost instantly, the spark turning into wildfire.

We pulled apart all to soon, looking at each other. She was all wide eyed and breathy, a flush slowly creeping up her cheeks. I felt completely out of it, addicted.

"I…I, would you like to come inside?" She stammered, face serious…


	10. Chapter 9

**Authors note: Okay, here we go! I am sorry for the wait, but better now than never!**

**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!3**

**VanillaMuse: Thank you so much for an absolutely fantastic review! I really appreciate the time and effort:D It is good to know that the details are not to much, because I do know that I sometimes have a tendency to stray away from what is important. It is a fine balance! I am also truly relieved that think Kai is in character. I always find him difficult to write, much because of his role in the series, were you can never quite figure him out. Interesting what you have to say about the sequel. I find I sort of agree with you, "Untouchable" stands on its own, but then at the same time, at least for me, it was almost unbelievably tempting to pick up on a few of the loose threads. Anyway, I am so happy that you like this fic, and thanks again for a great review!:D**

**LePetitPoney: Yay, thank you so much for yet another great review! I have to say that I am super happy that you like Frankie, seeing as this is not exactly the most common pairing out there. If you think I stray to far from her original character, do tell, even if she is barely mentioned in the series. No worries, I absolutely love writing this, although I am sometimes a bit unsure about what direction to take it. Thanks again for leading feedbacks, it is greatly appreciated!:D**

* * *

**.**

**When it burns**

**Chapter 9**

**.**

* * *

It was a strange experience, sleeping with someone and not having sex. We hadn´t even talked about it, and after a few intense kisses on the couch she had started yawning. I had carried her shrieking into the bedroom in an unusual display of playfulness, and she had invited me to stay the night, under the condition that we actually slept. No one had said no to me before, and deep down I was glad she had broken the habit. She didn´t just roll over and give people what they wanted; I liked that about her.

I slept surprisingly well, and when I cracked one eye open in the morning, it was already ten O´clock. She was sound asleep, her face buried in my chest and our legs entangled. I was of course rock hard, and with a sigh I shifted onto my back, careful not to wake her. The blinds were closed, so it was still dark in the room. That did not prevent me from noticing how the oversized t-shirt she slept in had slid up a bit, exposing her slightly arched, smooth back.

I ran my hand over the ivory skin a few times, resisting the urge to get rid of the t-shirt.. She looked graceful even in her sleep, long slender limbs stretched out, pressed flush against my chest. Once again she reminded me about a lioness; utterly comfortable in her own skin, peacefully sleeping with the knowledge that she was indeed in charge. I watched, fascinated, as light from outside played over her alabaster skin, giving it a subtle shine.

"Good morning", she whispered softly, opening her eyes to look at me.

She blinked a few times, blue-grey eyes glittering tenderly up at me. I loved how they stood in distinct contrast to her strawberry blond locks, and those exquisite cinnamon coloured freckles. When she smiled even, white teeth were revealed, and I was instantly reminded of last nights make out session on the couch.

"Morning", I responded, smiling slightly.

She sat up, absently stretching her arms, the t-shirt sliding up again. Perhaps she did it on purpose. The slight glimpse of her flawless, pale back was enough to completely destroy what little self-control I had left, and I inwardly groaned. With a yawn she snuggled close, long, slender fingers gently tracing my jaw. She smiled, and I supressed a pleasant shudder.

"You look handsome with stubble", she said, eyes roaming my face.

I just looked at her, taking in her stunning features with something close to awe. She had dimples, and her lips were a rosy pink, full and delicious. I tried to think of something else

"Like Clint Eastwood as Blondie".

"Is that the third dollar movie?" I wondered, receiving an affirmative smile.

"You have not seen The Good the Bad and the Ugly?" She asked, almost incredulous, and I shrugged.

"I have the DVD", she said, raising both eyebrows suggestively.

Of course, I knew an invitation when I saw one. The look in her eyes made me feel almost insanely happy, like I was appreciated. I don´t know. There was something about how she behaved around me. Unlike the others she was not so cautious. She did not fear me I realized, somewhat surprised by the revelation. It was oddly comfortable, the way she would touch or stand close to me like it was completely normal. I liked it.

"Tonight…..at my place?" I inquired, grinning broadly.

"6 " she clarified, eyes glittering.

Her hand moved from my face to my hair, and she ruffled it, playfully tugging at the sun bleached locks.

"You have been in the sun", she stated, looking curious.

"I lived two years in Morocco, came home just before Christmas", I clarified.

She looked interested, and I was happy too answer all her questions as I got dressed and followed her out in the kitchen. It was homely and comfortable, just like the rest of her apartment, and unsurprisingly the fridge was covered in photos of horses. Just like last time I felt oddly drawn towards them, and while she cracked a few eggs and turned over a few slices of bacon that were sizzling in the pan, I carefully scrutinized them. The horses seemed to be such an important part of her life, and she held some kind of everlasting unconditional love towards them it seemed. It was something that interested me, although I couldn´t quite grasp why.

"Hot chocolate", she said, turning to hand me a steaming cup.

She smiled knowingly at me, and I smirked ever so slightly in return.

"Thank you".

My guilty pleasure. Part of me wondered why I had come up with that, and not something else. Then again it was true, even if it sounded ridiculous. With a mystified half smile I took a sip, proceeding to set the table and retrieve some orange juice from the fridge. Moments later she placed a tray of egg, bacon and toast on the table, and we sat down, opposite each other, for which I was thankful. I hoped with all of me that she had not noticed my current state; if she had then she was at least considerate enough not to laugh at me.

"Lazy mornings warrants for an unhealthy breakfast, don´t you think?" She wondered, innocently biting her bottom lip.

"Of course it does", I said, raising both eyebrows in mock seriousness.

She laughed, and I couldn´t help but smile, once again completely drawn in. I had always had a thing for redheads, but she had just brought my mild sexual obsession to a whole new level. It was frightening the effect she had on me, and not for the first time I willingly acknowledged the fact that I really wanted this too work. She deserved only the best, and part of me felt that she was out of my league in that regard. I had a past that would continuously come back to haunt me, I was cold, moody and sometimes horribly ruthless and inconsiderate. She deserved someone better. Still, I was a selfish creature, and had always been. Even if I knew I should there was no way I was letting go of her.

I left at about half past 11, feeling energized and…..happy, something that for me was a first. I couldn´t quite remember the last time I had felt something close to this. Perhaps when I departed to Morocco, or when I left the Abby, but then those feelings had still been coloured by all kinds of negative memories and experiences. Frankie was different in the sense that I couldn´t quite compare her to anyone or anything else, much like me she was different, albeit good different. With a pleased sigh I exited the car at home, unlocking the door and leaving my shoes and jacket in the hall. I could hear Rey move about in the kitchen, and a blue Maserati was parked in the driveway. Tala of course. Part of me was amused that he had gotten rid of grandfathers blue Lexus.

"Morning", Rey chirped, pausing to turn over the pancakes he was currently making.

"Hn", I grunted, immediately suspicious.

Tala was seated by the kitchen Island, absently sipping his espresso.

"Slept well?" He asked innocently, face serious.

He looked expectantly at me, and I caught the discrete look that passed between the two of them. What was this? The inquisition? I considered escaping for a jog, but was too slow. Before I had the time to turn around and bail, Rey had somehow manoeuvred me over to the kitchen Island and placed a steaming Irish coffee in front of me. Of course, I knew what that meant. He was doing his best to acquire all of last nights details; what better weapon than whiskey? Fuck the both of them.

"I am driving", I said.

They both ignored the statement completely.

"So, was there any action?" Tala asked boldly.

Rey sat down next to him, so that they were both facing me, and I momentarily felt like the child in a parent teacher conference. Naturally I would never let this show, but it irked me that the both of them suddenly appeared to be immune to my death glare. Perhaps it was necessary with stronger, meaner measures?

"She any good?"

Rey looked at me curiously, and I stared frostily back, suddenly angry. She any good? She was perfect in every way, part of me was furious that they talked about her like she was just any other girl. She was not!

"We didn´t have sex", I said shortly, regretting my own words in that same instant.

Rey looked at me, shocked, while Tala snickered, obviously amused.

"See, no wonder he is in a bad mood", he said, looking knowingly at me.

"Oh Kai, I am so sorry!" Rey exclaimed.

"Just shut up both of you", I snapped.

What the fuck was wrong with them? Tala merely seemed to enjoy my perplexed discomfort, while Rey had gone into comfort Kai mode, which I hated. Sometimes I wondered why I even bothered. There was this quality I had that seemed to attract all kinds of people, especially when I was my antisocial self.

"She is coming here tonight, and you two better be gone by then".

They exchanged another knowing look, before nodding in unison, like all bad children trying to be good do. It was not a very comforting sight. When had that happened by the way? I could never recall the two of them acting this…..close. Suddenly they appeared to be accomplices, and one didn´t need my uncanny ability to know that this was bad news.

"What are you making for dinner?" Rey immediately asked.

"Kai, you have stubble", Tala informed me.

"She said she liked the stubble", I said, irritated.

"Then what are you making for dinner?"

There was another pause, in which I realized that I had no idea.

"We are watching a movie, I never said I would make dinner".

I am pretty certain I am not lying when I say that disappointment was clearly evident in both their faces. Ha! They had probably hoped to stay under the pretence of helping me cook. Like that was ever going to happen. Then again I was more than willing to acknowledge that I couldn´t cook, at all. Correction; I had never really tried. Normally I ate out, or Rey cocked, which pretty much ruled out the possibilities. This had started to worry me a little bit, I was certain that at some point I would have to make Frankie dinner. Somehow I suspected that scrambled eggs would not quite cut it. With a sigh I turned, prepared to go upstairs and change for a run.

"You have gotten an invitation for the Today Show", Tala stated, and I came to a halt, once again turning to face him.

"When?"

He looked at me, eyes cool and serious this time.

"Next week".

"Papov is probably planning on confronting you live", Rey said, shaking his head in displeasure.

To him this whole thing probably seemed incredulous. No matter their past or future wrongs he always forgave, always gave a second chance. It was not in his nature to think badly of people, to assume that they would do something inconsiderate. And yet he was always so aware of others, able to see through their pretences, to predict their motives. Not for the first time I wondered if his almost naive and soft persona was just for show. I sent him a scrutinizing look, which he just smiled at. Perhaps he saw through me even now. Still, I would always care for him, in my own strange way.

"Did they give any reason for the invitation?" I wondered.

Tala briefly shook his head.

"Only that you have been gone for a while. They wanted to interview you about how life is without Mr. Hiwatari".

I scowled, old fury returning full force, blood boiling in my veins. _The game_, would it ever end? Would someone ever walk away the victor, for good? No, somehow I doubted it. With a barely audible sigh I ran a hand through my hair, pushing the anger away, favouring my cold calculated self, the jaguar opening his amber eyes to give his opinion of the world. Yes, I reminded myself, this is a predators world. As with so many things in life it is the strong and the cunning that survive. The rest are usually left to die, be it quick or terrible slow. Well, I suppose I wouldn´t have to be in the dark anymore at least. Now that I had an idea of what he had planned I could finally start to prepare.

"Tell them I´ll be there", I said shortly.

They both looked slightly taken aback, but merely nodded in response. Good. At least they knew when to shut up. I was supposed to go for a run, and I did. Despite myself I just ran faster than usual, and when I got back I still had a few hours to kill before Frankie was due to arrive. In retrospect I know that it was a bad idea, but that small melancholy part of me had been willing me to do it for days, and it came to a point were I just couldn´t resist. Nervousness was coursing through me like small, electrical charges, and I drove more reckless than usual, not caring either way. Perhaps they are not even home, what will you do then, a small voice whispered.

I ignored this fact, trying but failing miserably at emptying my mind of unnecessary thoughts. Turn around! You should turn around; you have to! But no, I didn´t. Going there, seeing her again, my mother, it frightened me. Of course then I had to do it. The place looked no different from the last time. There was snow, a few Christmas decorations, but otherwise it was the same. Al homely and yellow. I parked across the street from the now familiar house, engine running. The solitary wailing of Black Sabbath´s "Warning" was playing in the background, and I gritted my teeth, feeling the unfamiliar stubble on my chin. What the fuck was I doing here? Why did I even bother?

Part of me was still waiting, still hoping, for her to contact me. Of course she hadn´t. I wondered why I couldn´t be rational about this, why I couldn´t seem to snap out of this over emotional state whenever she was involved. The jaguar was ever present, but even he seemed slightly out of it, not sad, he was never sad, just…..confused. She knew about me, of this I felt certain, grandfather had unintentionally confirmed it.

They knew that I was with him, and now that he was dead nothing prevented them from searching me out. My name had been all over the news when I returned, they were very much aware that I was in New York. Perhaps they don´t have a television my mind wondered half-heartedly, and I turned up the volume on the stereo.

I am not completely sure for how long I actually sat there, watching the house. The hedge was too tall for me to see inside, and I didn´t have the courage to go and knock on the door. What would I say? Hi, I am your son, why did you give me away, to _him_? No, that was definitely out of the question. Instead I drove back home, watching the inviting yellow villa disappear in the rear-view. One day I would have to confront her, I knew that. But perhaps not today. When this Papov thing was under control, maybe then the time would be right.

.

.

_I watched him attentively, following his every movement with wary eyes, unsure of what exactly I should expect. We were in his apartment on the upper level of the Abby, and I felt oddly fascinated. Everything was so big, so…..grand. Part of me was completely awed, while a smaller, submissive part was terrified. As with everything else connected to him it bred conflict, in every sense of the word. _

"_This one is French, a Bordeaux, from Chateau Falfas", he sounded oddly preoccupied. _

_I had never seen him this distracted. _

"_An excellent vintage, 1998". _

_Boris had once mentioned that he collected wine, but I had never imagined him to be this….obsessed about it. I watched, deeply unsettled as he skilfully opened the bottle. A small pop was heard, and then he carefully smelled it, nodding to himself, pleased. _

"_It has to rest before we try it, remember that little phoenix, otherwise you will not do it true justice"._

_I nodded vigorously, as always trying not to displease him, even though the nick name irritated me. He smiled, eyes appraising me as he gestured at the sofa opposite his chair. I dutifully sat down, once again intently observing his every movement. _

"_Sometimes Kai, you remind me of a kitten, or rather, a tiger cub", He laughed at what I assumed was a joke, even if it was aimed at me._

_I didn´t find it amusing at all. _

"_Cubs have the ability to learn fast, very fast". _

_He smiled._

"_Especially with the right motivation"._

_His mahogany eyes glittered wickedly when I narrowed my eyes, the slightest glint of insecurity evident in my features. He laughed softly, slowly shaking his head at me. One of the aids entered shortly afterwards, carrying the opened bottle and two glasses. I watched as he poured rust-red liquid into the glasses; it looked like blood. _

_Grandfather testily spun his glass a few times, swirling the liquid around in circles. Then he carefully smelled it, before taking a slow sip. I didn´t dare touch mine without permission. _

_He closed his eyes briefly, savouring the taste. _

"_Excellent", he said, sighing with obvious pleasure. _

_When he reverted his attention back to me again he was serious once more, eyes full of dark promise. _

"_When you grow up little one, you will be magnificent", he paused, taking another sip of wine. _

"_However the road is long, and it will be painful". _

_He smiled once more. _

"_This game, our game, you will do well to remember that it has no end"…. _

_. _

_._


	11. Chapter 10

**Authors note: I am so sorry for the wait, but here we go! WARNING LEMON! So don´t like don´t read;)**

**PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!:D**

**KirayHimawari: Thank you so much for yet another awesome review! I am really sorry about the wait, but here we go again. Yes, I sort of want Frankie to be somewhat of a nemesis, only in a different way. Also I think Kai, the way I portrayed him, needs someone clever too keep him interested. Anyways, hope to hear from you soon, and thanks again!:D:D**

**LePetitPoney: Thank you so much for a super inspiring review! I am so sorry this update has taken so much time, but finally it is here! Yea, rest assured he will soon face new difficulties. It is so nice to hear that you think my writing has improved! I sort of try to change things up from time to time, but it is always so difficult to judge your own work. This chapter contains a lemon btw, which I hate writing, so please be nice, I am not entirely sure how successful this attempt was! Anyways, thank you so much for leaving a great feedback!:D:D**

* * *

**.**

**When it burns**

**Chapter 10**

**.**

* * *

While in the Abbey I used to dream about what it would be like; living outside. As heir to the Hiwatari empire I was given the barest of glimpses into what living outside actually entailed. And from that moment on I had wanted it with all of me. In a sense I suppose I was lucky. You can´t wish for better things unless you have something to compare them to. Unlike the other children I knew that there was an alternative, although it had appeared to be out of reach, at least for a very long time.

Thus my current situation seemed almost surrealistically normal, and yet completely foreign at the same time. I paced absentmindedly back and forth in the kitchen, feeling on edge and somewhat uneasy. Frankie was due to arrive any second, and I could not recall having been this anxious…..ever. This meant something, it was important, she was important, although I still couldn´t quite fathom what set her apart from everyone else, what made her so special.

With a frustrated groan I made one last sweep of the first floor; making sure it looked presentable and furthermore that Rey hadn´t left his shit lying about. I´d rather not have Frankie stumble upon his stash of gay porn. Of course, he was normally a tidy person, but you could never know. After all Max and Tyson had started spending an obscene amount of time here ever since he moved in, and they were two of the messiest people I had ever encountered.

The doorbell rang moments later, and I froze, gaze firmly locked on the opening leading to the hall. It rang again, and somehow the sound appeared much more piercing and alarming than usual. I hoped I wasn´t too casually dressed, quite honestly I had no idea what she expected. As per usual I had ended up in jeans, without holes at least, and a decent sweater, Rey had given me an approving nod, but then again it was her approval I wanted.

It was ridiculous really, how she made me sweat and squirm like some petty child only because she was dropping by to watch a movie. The doorbell rang for the third time, and I snapped out of it, horrified that I had made her wait. What the fuck is wrong with you Hiwatari? I was supposed to be a gentleman I scolded myself, quickly opening the door.

She was standing outside, her cheeks a rosy pink from the cold, and her hair pulled back in a messy bun, a few loose tendrils falling forward into her eyes. The cinnamon coloured freckles stood in distinct contrast to her lips, red for the occasion, and striking almond shaped eyes were glittering with what I could only describe as excitement. She looked hot!

"Hi", she said, smiling shyly.

It took me a moment to recover my wits, which I suppose had always been lacking, and I hesitantly smiled back, opening the door.

"You look…nice!" I said, staring stupidly at her.

"Thank you", she replied, her cheeks a tiny bit redder than before.

As a second thought I remembered to take her coat, intently watching as she bent down to take her shoes off. I tried not to stare, and quickly pretended to be busy locking the door when she looked up. Pathetic! Truly and utterly pathetic, grandfather would have been ashamed. How could I lose my cool like this because of a female? A lioness I corrected myself, a lioness!

She was wearing a jumpsuit, like last time, only in black and with long sleeves. It fit her like a glove, and needless to say I suspected it would be hard concentrating on the movie.

"Nice place", she commented.

She was looking curiously around as I led her into the kitchen, and I caught a vague look of amusement when she spotted a pack of kitchen cleaning wipes on the counter. Shit! I was so sure I had put those away.

"You cleaned up your place because of me?" She exclaimed, smiling, even white teeth glinting.

My first instinct was to blush, for some strange irrational reason. What is she doing to me? Luckily I managed to hold onto the stoic Hiwatari calm, and smiled evenly at her.

"Of course".

She tilted her head to the side, smiling playfully at me, and I watched, awed as she gracefully sat down by the kitchen island.

"Anything I can get you?" I wondered.

"Wine, beer, a drink?"

She smiled conspiratorially, and I regarded her attentively as she coquettishly brushed a stray lock of hair behind one ear. I could feel the air charging between us, even though we were standing at least 5 meters apart. She bit her bottom lip, looking straight at me. Those full red lips; she was just incredibly distracting.

"I want the Hiwatari special", she said, a large grin plastered on her face.

I was at a loss of words for a few moments, staring at her, eyes wide. Wha…what was that? Was she, was she…..Was she?

"The Hiwatari special?" I repeated, a slight smirk settling on my countenance.

She nodded.

The Hiwatari special I silently wondered. What was the Hiwatari special? In the end I made her a vodka Martini, with olives. It was not Hiwatari at all. She smiled at me, before pursing her lips.

"This is the Hiwatari special?" She questioned, pouting.

I shrugged.

"It is shaken".

She giggled, and I stared, mesmerized. The way her eyes glittered with mischief, the way she constantly bit her bottom lip, how she moved, graceful, sensual. And those lips again…..What the fuck! She had asked for the Hiwatari special after all. I kissed her, hesitant at first, harder when I felt her respond. Our tongues moved against one another, exploring, challenging, and she playfully bit down, just hard enough to create a very…familiar sensation. Her hands gripped tightly onto my shoulders for support as the kiss got deeper, more intense, and I slid my hands down her body, coming to rest on the small of her back.

It was incredibly tempting to move further down, and when I tentatively cupped her behind I was rewarded with a soft groan. Damn! She was pressed flush against my chest, and we pulled apart moments later, staring at each other. My breath was uneven, hers coming in ragged gasps, her mouth half open. My hands were still resting on her behind, and I didn´t move them. Slowly, hesitantly she leant in, burying her face in my neck, our chests heaving. We stood like this for a while, and I desperately tried to calm down my raging hormones, which was quite a feat considering she was pressed against my erection.

"Are we still watching that movie?" I asked, silently hoping she would say no.

She stepped back, a small smile gracing her lips when she looked at me.

"Yes, please".

She giggled, clearly seeing through my pretence, before sashaying into the living room, DVD in hand. I was left staring dumbfounded after her, before following, jaw set in grim determination. Two could play this game. I brought her chocolate and some chips, and we made ourselves comfortable in the sofa as the movie started. The classic opening score by Ennio Morricone washed through the room, and I watched her face light up with obvious pleasure. She was sitting quite close, and I put my arm around her, pulling her a tiny bit closer, to which she did not object. Instead she leaned in, and I could smell her shampoo, along with the sweet, flowery scent of her skin.

"How long does this last?" I wondered innocently, and I could feel her frame shake with supressed laughter.

"Three hours".

Damn.

"Not funny", I said.

She turned around to grin at me, and that was when I decided that enough was enough. I put it on pause. Her eyebrows shoot up in mock seriousness as she moved closer, expertly straddling my lap. I inhaled sharply when she moved her hips slightly, putting pressure on a very very sensitive spot. The air was charged with supressed tension. It was like an electrical current going back and forth between us, sooner or later something would have to burst. I slowly, deliberately undid about half of her zipper, sliding my hands carefully over the smooth skin of her back. She made a small, pleased sound, once again pressing herself closer.

"Couch or bed?" I asked heatedly, looking at her, eyes blazing.

She smiled.

"Couch".

I undid the rest of her zipper, deciding that whoever made that jumpsuit was a genius. It came of in one whole piece, revealing what I had been dreaming about for the last month. She blushed as I looked her over, taking in her elegant, long limbs, flat stomach, the wonderful smooth skin, firm, round behind. She was perfect, just perfect! She helped me off with the sweater, and I shivered lightly when her delicate fingers brushed over my chest, creating goosebumps in their wake.

She was breathing heavily, eyes wide and serious, aroused. Moments later she was busy fumbling with my belt buckle, while I slid the straps of her bra off, removing the whole thing with a flick of one wrist. Her breasts were beautiful, small and firm, and they fit my hands perfectly. She moaned softly when I tentatively stroked them, trailing kisses from her jaw, down her throat.

"Kai", she whispered hoarsely.

I looked at her, our noses touching. Her face was only centimetres away from my mine, eyes cloudy with lust. She looked almost apologetic.

"Condom", She mumbled, flushing with obvious embarrassment.

We were still for a few seconds, before I promptly got to my feet, lifting her with me. She looked startled, face still flushed as I cradled her in my arms. With an irritated movement I stepped out of my jeans and socks, proceeding to run out of the living room and up the stairs.

"Bedroom", I said shortly, voice strained with badly contained need.

Needless to say I couldn´t get there fast enough. Rey had placed the laundry basket in the middle of the hallway, and I barged right through it, dirty clothes flying in all directions. Finally! I carefully let her down on the bed, kneeling above her, our lips locking once more. She was slightly tense underneath me, and I pulled back a tiny bit, touching her hair. Once again we were frozen, just looking at one another.

I waited, for what I wasn´t completely sure. It was strange. She was unsure, and I was accepting that. Normally I would push, had she been someone else…But no, she was not. I wanted, needed, to respect her boundaries. And just like that she seemed to have come to a conclusion, hands entangled in my hair as she pulled me closer again, and my previous need turned into an inferno.

With practised ease I slid her slinky, black panties off, pleased to find that they were made from some wonderfully transparent material. She looked exquisite, and I slid my hands up her smooth legs, carefully stroking her inner thighs. She groaned, and I could feel her tense and then relax as I curiously ran my hands over most of her body, trailing kisses over her breasts and stomach, and then gradually further down.

She was pulling my hair, moaning my name as I teased and caressed. It was more awkward than what I was used to, more…..real, in a way. And it took time getting her aroused, which only added to my excitement. When she finally started relaxing I felt like I was about to explode, and I felt her hands tease my erection as she pulled my boxers down. She looked pleased; naked, and shy and completely shameless all at the same time.

"Bottom drawer", I said, moments later watching as she ripped open a foil package.

We stood a few meters apart, naked and panting. It was dark in the room, but a hint of light from outside danced over her shoulders, enhancing her round, sensual curves. I approached, and instead of stepping back she leaned in against me, one hand wrapping around my member. Fuck! I groaned, kissing her with a certain urgency. She rolled the condom on, and I pushed her down on the bed again, hungrily taking in the sight. God she was beautiful.

She was relatively relaxed, and I shuddered with need as I carefully pressed into her, feeling her hands tighten on my shoulders, her legs wrapping around my waist as I started an agonisingly slow pace. She moaned my name again, louder this time, egging me on, pushing her hips up against me. I moved faster, her hands digging into my shoulders for support. The sensation was divine, I couldn´t quite describe it. Moments later I could feel her clench around me as she came, and I made a few last thrusts, shuddering as I followed closed behind.

I eased out of her, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her close. She was breathing hard, and I ran my hands up and down her back a few times, before gently tracing soft circles over her shoulders with one hand. She rolled over on her other side, facing me. Large grey eyes regarded me with a combination of unease and relaxation, and I pulled her closer again.

"Kai…..", she hesitantly wondered.

"Are we…..?"

I grinned at her, and she beamed at me, pleased. A girlfriend. I had a girlfriend, and she was the most magnificent creature I had ever encountered. We curled up underneath the covers, utterly spent and exhausted, and I felt oddly at piece as she made herself comfortable against my chest. And then it came, the one unbidden thought, the terrible realization. The Today show next week; what if my secret was exposed? A thousand possibilities washed through my mind. None of them presented an adequate solution. Coul I? Could I tell her about the Abby? What if she left? What if she didn´t believe me? Then again, was it not better to hear it from me than on the news? I felt cold inside, horrified. I couldn´t lose her, I just couldn´t.

"Something wrong?" She mumbled sleepily, touching my face with one hand.

Our eyes locked.

"I...there is something about me you should know", I said.

.

.

"_Have you ever loved someone?"_

_The question took him by surprise, and mahogany eyes narrowed in surprised contemplation. I watched him guardedly from were I was resting on a stretcher, knowing that this really was not the time to try his patience. It was my second time in the box, or the liquid breathing tank as grandfather had so deftly named it. Part of me was still in shock. The experience in itself was devastating, and now I was here, weak and vulnerable, unable to fight back should the need arise. _

"_And what on earth possessed you to ask such a question little phoenix?" He wondered, turning to look at me. _

_He didn´t seem angry, merely intrigued, which was a good thing. That being said one could never know, not with him at least. No matter how hard I tried to predict his next move he always seemed to be one step ahead, planning, scheming and leaving devastation in his wake. _

"_I…..I was merely curious grandfather", I responded humbly, only the faintest hint of a sneer in my voice betraying my true feelings. _

_He smiled. _

"_Curious…..", he repeated, still looking at me. _

_I tried not to fidget under his flinty stare, and fixed my gaze on the dull, concrete ceiling instead. A few guards were standing by the far wall, otherwise the room was deserted, apart from some medical equipment and my stretcher. I was weak; there was no way that I would pose any threat to anyone at the moment. _

"_Well…I love you", he said, sitting back in his chair. _

_The silence which ensued was crushing, and I continued to glare up at the ceiling, frozen in an almost kinetic stillness. He was merely watching me, patiently waiting for a response. I didn´t know what to say. What did he expect? I had no idea, all I knew was that I would never say those words back to him, even if I couldn´t quite grasp their meaning I knew with certainty that the only feelings I had for him were hatred and resentment. And furthermore, if what he did to me was out of love I didn´t even feel remotely tempted to experience the feeling for myself. _

"_Whatever", I said in a low voice, receiving a soft chuckle in response. _

"_Why…you seem uncomfortable", he observed. _

_I could tell just from his voice that he was amused, and when I dared look at him his eyes was glittering with an emotion I couldn´t quite place. Something was wrong with him I reflected, briefly meeting his gaze before looking down. The unmistakable stench of chemicals were burning in my nose, and my body felt heavy and tired. He stood up, and I inwardly tensed when he approached the stretcher, dragging his chair closer before he sat down again. _

"_You see Kai, that is why I am putting you through this, because I care for you, because I do love you. I am doing what is best for you, even if it is hard". _

_I almost said it, almost. I hate you, I hate you, I HATE YOU. But I didn´t. Part of me was still furious, while my rational self insisted that angering him further would only lead to another round in the box. I didn´t want that, even if I hated myself for not standing up to him. _

"_Do you hate me?" He asked softly, running two fingers over the left side of my face. _

_I resisted a pressing urge to shudder in disgust. He made my skin crawl, and part of me was tempted to just scream my fury right to his face, even if that would accomplice nothing. We looked at each other, his features laced with possessiveness. _

"_Yes", I said._


	12. Chapter 11

**Authors note: Finally! I am so sorry about the wait, but I have had a major writers block since the last chapter of this story, which has finally disappeared, yay! Anyways, hope you´ll like this chapter and I am sorry about the cliffhanger:)**

**PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! I´ll update real fast if you do;)**

**KirayHimawari: Thank you so much for being an absolutely great and awesome reviewer! I am really sorry about the wait this time, major writers block! Anyways, I am super relieved that you liked the lemon, seeing as this is by no means my strong point! As for Voltaire you are definitely onto something. I have been sort of hinting towards it both in "Untouchable" and in this, but never had the courage to actually write it out. But we´ll see, it is not over yet ;) Anyways, thanks again for a great review!:D**

* * *

**.**

**When it burns**

**Chapter 11**

**.**

* * *

The only sound in the room was the clock. It annoyed me. There was something about the monotone tick tock that I found incredibly frustrating. Perhaps the fact that it was something constant, I don´t know. In the end I gracefully stood up, marched over to the wall and turned it off, before settling in the sofa once more. Rey was still at Tyson´s, and I relished the sense of loneliness for a brief couple of seconds, before I strained my ears to see if I could hear Frankie´s breathing upstairs.

It was 7 in the morning, and I had just returned from my run. Frankie was still sound asleep, and Ian Papov´s DVDs were strewn across the living room table in a messy heap. Part of me couldn´t understand why he even bothered. I had watched them all; scrutinized them down to the tiniest of details. They all contained different clips of jaguars doing various things; some in the wild, hunting, sleeping, mating, and then the horrifying ones of captured creatures that were beaten and tortured, starved and laughed at.

Deep down the scene struck me as….familiar, although I didn´t like admitting to it. Quite honestly I had no idea what to make of them, especially considering the fact that with the exception of the first three, he had given the rest to me willingly. Surely there had to be a reason? Tala had suggested that perhaps he just felt bad about the whole thing, and although I agreed that his actions could suggest such a thing I still found it unlikely. I simply didn´t see the logic.

With a sigh I turned off the DVD player and gathered up all the CDs, proceeding to neatly stash them back into the shelves along the opposite wall. I felt almost obligated to keep them, although I was unsure of why. In a sense they reminded me about my previous life, the one spent underground, the dark one. Which made the notion that I even felt anything but hatred for them absurd. But I did, and I couldn´t, I just couldn´t, force myself to throw them away.

People often say that your past, and of course your heritage, defines you, make you who you are as an individual. If there is any truth to it then my future doesn´t seem so bright as I envisioned two and a half years ago, when I boarded the jet and left for Morocco, grandfather´s death still weighting heavily on my mind.

With some effort I pushed the thought away, absently wandering into the kitchen. I made Frankie a latte, a warm, comfortable feeling settling in my mind at the thought of her. Coffee machines, what a wonderful creation! It looked perfect. I wandered upstairs on light feet, pausing in the door opening to watch her sleeping frame. She was stretched out on her back, head tilted comfortable to the side. Strawberry blond hair was cascading over the pillow, and I slowly approached her, reaching out to touch her face. I was nervous, no doubt, but surprisingly full of hope, as she stirred in her sleep, grey-blue eyes blinking a few times before settling on my face. She smiled, and I brushed a lock of hair behind her ear.

She had been very…understanding. Or perhaps that was the wrong word. No, she had simply said that she didn´t care about my past, that it didn´t matter. Despite her words I was apprehensive. What if she changed her mind, what if she left? The notion terrified me; and although I was irked by this new weakness I was also somewhat fascinated by my own obsession. I had not told her everything; but I had told her enough, more than I had ever told anyone. When she asked questions I had answered truthfully, and then that was that. Strange, and also surprising, at least for me. She made me feel…..human. I would hesitate to say that she made me feel normal, but it was close, very close.

"Kai….its 15 past 7", she said, sitting up to accept the coffee.

I shrugged apologetically, and she lifted the covers in a silent invitation. Of course it was one I couldn´t refuse. To her delight I fell asleep within minutes, and when she woke me it was almost half past 11. I could hear voices downstairs, and she sent me a questioning look.

"Rey, and Max", I said.

There was a brief pause in which a loud bang was heard

"And Tyson".

She smiled.

"I thought you lived alone"

No shit. It was bad enough that Rey had moved in, but in the aftermath the rest of the guys had started spending far too much time at my place. They were…..friends, I suppose, but still. Clearly they knew nothing about privacy, and I didn´t really feel like throwing them out either. Even though I knew I probably should. They had become far too comfortable in my presence lately.

"I did, until Rey was dumped by his boyfriend", I said, annoyance seeping into my tone.

"And then they all moved in", she finished for me, giggling.

I couldn´t help but smile at her amused expression, even if it was at my expense.

"So", she hesitantly said, face serious again.

"Do you have any plans for the weekend?"

"No", I simply said, looking intently at her.

She suddenly seemed shy again, looking down briefly before looking up at me, clearly unsure.

"Well, my parents are coming to visit, and I was thinking that perhaps you´d like to joins us for dinner tomorrow".

For a few seconds I was at a complete loss of words, before an unfamiliar yet distinct sensation surfaced almost immediately. Happiness tainted only by a slight hint of anxious anticipation. Meeting her parents. Again, it was so normal. And furthermore it meant that she was serious about us.

"I will be there", I said, and she beamed.

She left after a quick shower, having some sort of school assignment to complete, and I was pleased to see Tyson, Kenny and Max´s admiring looks as she introduced herself. Or rather, Frankie smiled at them and they blushed and stuttered like idiots. Rey was acting perhaps a tiny bit more reserved than usual, but otherwise he was at least polite. Not ogling her like she was a piece of meat. Of course, a glare fixed that quickly enough. The house felt strangely empty when she left, even though the guys were still there, and with a barely audible sigh I sat down in the kitchen. It was odd how I had become so quickly attached to her; we had known each other for what, a couple of months?

My broodings were interrupted only seconds later, as someone knocked on the door. Rey was busy making me breakfast so Tyson went to open, and I caught Max rolling his eyes in exasperation. After a moments confusion I realized why; it was Hiro.

"Guys, great to see you!" He exclaimed, sauntering into the kitchen like he practically lived there.

No, I had not missed him. Not one bit. Fucking idiot! He grinned goofily at me, proceeding to sit down across from me as Rey placed a wonderful looking omelette before me on the table. Jeez, what was up with this guy? We weren´t friends, we were barely acquaintances and yet he acted as if we had known each other for ages. Add to the fact that I was not exactly a people person.

"Kai, you look dazzling as always, how are you?"

I stared at him, annoyed.

"Hn"

I caught Tyson shake his head in frustration. Part of me wondered weather it was because of me, or if it was Hiro. Probably a combination I reflected.

"Kai, come on! Talk to me!" He insisted, leaning back in his chair, still smiling crookedly.

"What do you want?" I asked frostily, eyes narrowed.

I hadn´t seen him since Christmas, for which I wasn´t particularly sorry. Still, his presence meant that something was up. He was an intelligence officer, most likely CIA, and there was a reason for him being here in the first place. I could tell that he was unsure on how to deal with me, based on his ever-changing behaviour. He was still trying to find a fitting angle in which to approach me from, and he was trying out his options. Again I was irritated. Like I said, I hate people sneaking around, and that was most definitely what he was doing.

"Heard anything from Lee lately?" He innocently wondered, one pale eyebrow rising ever so slightly.

I picked at the omelette, forcing myself to take a bite. It was delicious, but suddenly I didn´t really feel like eating. Fuck him!

"Whatever".

I stood up, gazing pointedly at the intruder, before briskly stalking upstairs. As predicted he trailed obediently along behind me, and I let him into my study, closing and locking the door behind us. This was it, I was done playing around. The thought of Lee made something clench uncomfortably deep in my chest, and I tried to suppress the memories.

Part of me still struggled with guilt; with fear that one day I would have to tell the guys what I had done. They seemed to respect me, look up to me, and despite myself it made me feel…..appreciated, whatever that meant. Would their perception of me change should they come to know about my hand in Lee´s temporary disappearance? Yes, of that I felt certain. I was not a good person, and I most likely would never be. It is however not to say that I didn´t appreciate my friendship with the guys, even though it frustrated me to no end.

As for Lee I hadn´t seen him since grandfathers funeral, and this was over two years ago. Rey mentioned him from time to time, seeing as they had grown up together, and I was under the impression that he was doing quite well in some high up law enforcement position. I knew from Tala that he had expressed an interest in talking to me, but I hadn´t obliged. I wasn´t even sure why.

So much had happened, and if anything Lee would probably understand my position. After all he had been there at the mansion, and more than anyone I felt that he understood the dynamic between me and grandfather. Perhaps that was just it, the fact that he understood. Understanding breeds pity, and above all else, that is something I couldn´t, wouldn´t take.

I watched Hiro guardedly from the corner of my eye as I sat down behind the modern, glass desk. From his perspective I must have looked completely relaxed and at ease, arms behind my head and one leg resting carelessly on the edge of the table, because he suddenly seemed uncomfortable. Then again he was the one who involved Lee, and if he had any information at all he should know that by mentioning that name he might get more than he bargained for.

"Nice place", he said, looking around before taking a seat opposite me.

He demeanour was different now that we were alone, more…professional. I could tell that he was assessing me, trying to decide wheatear or not I was a threat. A threat to what? The question seemed to hover at the back of my mind, and I raised an unimpressed eyebrow, eyes cool.

"Thank you".

He shifted slightly in his chair, looking around once more before couching slightly, clearing his throat. I waited patiently, ignoring the tinge of irritation that was becoming more prominent.

"I suppose I owe you an explanation", He said after a while, eyes glued to my face, gauging my reaction.

I just looked at him, carefully schooling my features.

"I know I have been…..bothering you somewhat, but as you are probably aware you are not the easiest person to get close to".

Bothering…what an apt description. So far I was utterly unimpressed, and he seemed to sense this, leaning forward with a sigh.

"I was tasked to keep an eye on you. After what happened with the late Mr. Hiwatari we felt…..unsure, about your future….plans"

"Why would that interest you?" I wondered icily, keeping my politeness to a scarce minimum.

As if he deserved anything else. For brining up grandfather he was officially on my black list anyway, and add to that the fact that I didn´t like him, at all. Still, I was curious as to why he was here, even if I hated being reminded about what happened two years ago. Hell, what happened before that. The Abby was something I tried not to think about, let alone remember. In the course of ten minutes he had dragged it all to the surface, and I wasn´t about to feel grateful.

Hiro smiled at me. It was more careful now, calculated in a way.

"Well, Hiwatari enterprises are one of the largest companies in the country, in the world actually. As the sole owner you have considerable resources, and seeing as Boris Balcov worked both under you and your grandfather….."

He trailed off at that, and we both knew that he had made his point. Of course. There was no connection between grandfather and Balcov Abbey, other than the fact that Boris had worked both places. It was a tricky situation for me. Whoever Hiro worked for, probably the CIA, they still suspected grandfathers involvement. Seeing as he was now dead they had no other option than to start badgering me for information. In addition to this I had the whole Ian Papov problem to deal with, which was why I had returned in the first place. In less than four days he would put forth his allegations, and if he did the feds would undoubtedly be all over me. It all came down to two options; either I buried the whole thing, somehow removed Ian Papov, and pretended that nothing had happened. Or I told the truth, or rather, an engineered version.

Could I do that, could I admit out loud that I had been there, at Balcov Abbey? That I had been forced to endure ten years of living hell deep underground, hidden from the judging eyes of the world. I didn´t want pity, I didn´t want understanding; all I wanted was for it to be left alone, so that I could forget, supress all that which had happened.

"I have a proposition", I hesitantly said, catching his surprised look.

What was I doing, what the fuck was I doing? There really was no way back now, I knew that. I had made my choice.

"In three days a man named Ian Papov plan to make something public….something regarding my past that I´d rather stayed hidden".

Hiro tilted his head to the side, contemplating.

"Is it true?" He wondered, face serious all of a sudden.

"Yes", I stated bluntly, eyes cold.

I could feel the old hatred tearing at me, crimson flames awakening. The wall of frozen steel was in place, but the fire was burning bright as ever. Sometimes I wonder if there will be anything left, should the hatred one day disappear. My existence has revolved around it for such a long time, and this terrible, all consuming emotion has shaped me, moulded me into the creature I am today. It is not a comforting thought.

"And if I do make this…..problem disappear, what will I have in return?" Hiro asked me, disturbing my depressed broodings.

I gazed levelly at him. Should I turn back, should I try and find a different solution? My rational self made it perfectly clear that a course of action which was more adequate than this didn´t exist. The jaguar is a rationalist; he always chooses the solution that best serves his perspective. And, even if I resented myself for it, that is just what I did.

"The truth", I said in a low voice.

.

.

.

_Sometimes, when you are alone in the dark, you lose all perspective of time and space, of the world as a whole, outside your little, dark bubble. It is a slippery slope; once you are on your way down it is difficult to crawl back up. _

_He was watching me intently from the other side of the table, eyes curious. I sometimes wondered if he would ever tire of me, get bored and lose interest. Part of me hoped he would, because then he might leave me to my own devices, leave me to live outside, to lead a normal life. Of course such thoughts were naive, which was why I deep down feared this above all else. At least when he was here I was allowed on the upper level of the Abby, I could look out a real window, I could breathe fresh air from outside. _

"_I have a treat for you today little phoenix", he said, thoughtfully tapping his fingers against the edge of the table. _

_He was existed about something; he always was when he did that. A treat from him could mean anything from punishment to fantastic rewards like chocolate or a day off from training. Still, they always represented something different, a break in routine, and that was something of high value to me. _

_More than anything the time I spent underground produced boredom. I couldn´t quite describe it in other terms. The days were always the same; boring, grey and filled with relentless training routines and punishments. It was an existence filled with a terse combination of intense boredom, fear, pain and loneliness, and somehow grandfather's presence broke the pattern, for better or worse. Usually the latter one. _

_He smiled at me, menacing mahogany eyes softening fractionally. _

"_You will accompany me outside today. I thought you might like a walk in the garden". _

_I just stared at him, speechless. Outside, outside…the word seemed to ring in my ears, hover in my mind like something that was so out of reach that I couldn´t fathom what it meant. I had lost count; I knew that I was 14 years old, and that it felt as if I had been in this place forever, but otherwise I had no idea how much time had actually passed since I was last outside. It felt like an eternity, and I followed him in a daze, barely registering the guards. _

_Outside it was winter, snowflakes falling to the ground at a steady pace. I caught grandfather watching me as I looked up at the dark night sky, stars glimmering on blue-black velvet. The sensation of cold, white snow settling in my hair and on my face was divine. The air was cold, and puffs of white smoke emerged whenever I exhaled. _

_For the first time in years I felt alive…just….alive…. _


	13. Chapter 12

**Authors note: Yay, here we go! I am finally done with university for the summer, so chapter 12 is up, please let me know what you think! :D**

**PLEASE READ THIS! I have rewritten the entire chapter, please reread :) The last version was a bit rushed, but now it is as it should!**

**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! I´ll update and write with all I have got of you do! :D**

**FlamingIce94: Thank you so much for leaving a review! Great that you like the story, and I am delighted that you like the way I have tried to build Kai´s character. I find that the greatest challenge of writing this story, you know, to make him unique and at the same time in character, so that was a great compliment! Thanks again! :)**

**Blazedoll: Thank you so much for reviewing, it really is what keeps me going as far as writing this goes! It is so good to hear that you like the flashbacks, I have added an extended one in this chapter ;) Thanks again!**

**PhoenixTears25: Good to hear that you like the story and thanks for leaving a review! It is always great to know that people are reading my stuff. Hope you´ll like the next chapter as well! :)**

* * *

**.**

**When it burns **

**Chapter 12**

**.**

* * *

I tapped my fingers against the steering wheel in time with the guitar of Black Sabbath´s NIB, feeling oddly calm for once. It was a great riff, and in two weeks time Rey and me would go to the concert. I was looking forward to it; really looking forward to it. It felt like a normal thing to do, and a fun one at that. Add to the fact that it was one of my favourite bands, even if it was an old one.

I had gotten the 458 back a few days earlier, and was currently speeding through the city in my usual manner, egged on by the guitar solo as I skidded around corners and overtook other cars. A bunch of flowers were resting in the passenger seat. I had no idea what kind they were; the lady in the shop had called them cemetery flowers. They were black and blue, and they reminded me about him. Grandfather had always been obsessed with perfection, had valued everything that was refined and elegant. These flowers were not, and a small irrational part of me got wicked pleasure out of placing them on his grave for that sole reason.

It was stupid really. I knew that I shouldn´t go there. It….upset me. Then again this alone was all the more reason to go there, especially before seeing Hiro and Lee´s superiors. I don´t know. Part of me felt like I needed him. Grandfather had always been the one constant thing in my life, for better or worse he had always been there, and now I felt strangely out of place without him. It brought me back to the question I would always silently ask myself; did I miss him?

I parked the car between an old pickup and a BMW, pausing only to grab the flowers. Why did I bother? I still could´t understand my own feelings, not regarding him. Everything got messy and confusing whenever I thought about him, and it angered me. Partly because I could´t seem to put what had happened behind me, and then it was the matter of me being here in the first place. Why did I go? Because I felt like he deserved it, felt that I owed it to grandfather, as absurd as that may sound.

You don´t owe him shit! You really don´t! My mind snapped back at me, outraged. Somehow everything grandfather represented left me feeling confused and conflicted. I hated him, and yet at the same time I didn´t. Perhaps that old saying is indeed true; that love and hate are two sides of the same coin. I hoped not.

The place looked just the same as when I was last there, the marble monstrosity looming overhead like some strange weapon. Even in death he was intimidating, and I stopped about five meters away, gazing thoughtfully at it before hesitantly approaching. The people at the cemetery was paying special attention to his final resting place, that he had ensured long before his actual death, and the stone was situated on its own in between a few well kept trees and bushes, hidden from curious eyes. I edged closer, warily kneeling down in front of it, placing the flowers against the base of the stone.

.

_"This will be the last time you defy me, ever again", he growled, bending down so that I could feel his breath against my ear._

_I shivered, felt his hand grab my bloody hair, forcing me to look him in the eye. Was this it? The end of me, of all that which I had dreamed of. Did it end now, for good? Yes, if I gave in now that would be it, the final confrontation, and he had won. I lowered my gaze in submission, terrified. Of myself, of him, of everything, but most of all, the future._

_"Do you understand Kai?"_

_There was no room for negotiation._

_"I said, do you understand!"_

_._

It took most of my willpower to not scramble away backwards like I did during my last visit, and with shaking hands I stepped back, moving with deliberate slowness. It was just a stupid stone, nothing more. Grandfather was dead and buried, and hopefully he would soon be forgotten as well. I sat down at one of the benches next to it, my breathing gradually returning to normal. I still felt rattled, on the edge of a breakdown almost, whenever I came here, but it was getting better, at least that was what I kept telling myself. Sometimes the truth is a bit to much to handle. I don´t know, lately everything had just seemed messed up, even if I had Frankie, my...friends. With a sigh I rested my head in my hands. I was not looking forward to todays meeting, not at all.

Things would undoubtedly be dragged to the surface, things I´d rather not be thinking about. Memories that I had spent to years burying and suppressing. Still, it would be worth it, given that this was end. Perhaps I could finally have some closure. I hoped so, although I was not optimistic.

I dropped by a coffee shop on my way to meet with the CIA, buying black coffee and a brownie. Of course, I was stalling, even though I knew it was ridiculous, and when I was five minutes overtime I left, strolling casually down the street in my usual predatory manner.

Despite my better judgement I was in my favourite pair of ripped jeans, a simple black t-shirt and leather jacket. Then again I hated wearing a suit, and why the fuck should I care? They were law enforcement, they had probably seen worse. Rey had fussed over me all morning because of my "scandalous" attire, as he had so diplomatically put it. I was still vaguely amused whenever I recalled his expression upon realizing that I really didn´t give a shit.

Hiro had told me to me meet with them in an office building close to Hiwatari enterprises, and I was met by two suit-clad men in the foyer. They looked almost identical, with military haircuts and sunglasses, in other words your typical stereotype CIA officer. I was mildly amused but chose not to show it as we rode the elevator up to the 50th floor. Unlike other people I wasn´t unnerved by silence; on most occasions I proffered it. I wasn´t intimidated by men in suits either, quite the contrary.

They led me through a busy corridor with people hurrying back and forth carrying various things, before we ended up in a sparsely furnished conference room with a magnificent view of Manhattan. Part of me had almost hoped they would bring me to Langley, but of course they did no such thing. Frankie was watching a tv-show, Covert Affairs or something, and I was curious to see what the place looked like in real life.

I studied the people present with cool, assessing eyes, the jaguar awaking almost instantly. Hiro, Lee, a stern looking woman in her early 50s, a couple more men in suits. I immediately deduced that the woman was the one in charge. The others looked to her, so I met her gaze dead on, no hesitation what so ever, sensing that I had caught her off guard. She knew that I knew, and I saw curiosity flash in her eyes before they narrowed slightly. We shook hands, and I acknowledged Lee´s presence with a slight twitch of one eyebrow, ignoring Hiro completely. Ha, serves him right! The woman didn´t give me a name, and I didn´t ask. This was a game I could understand, something tangible.

"Mr. Hiwatari, I am pleased to hear that you have agreed to cooperate with us", she said pleasantly, smiling.

"Hn"

She looked confused for a moment, but didn´t comment, and I turned to absently enjoy the view. I didn´t like small-talk, at all. There was a pause in which I could feel her eyes burn holes in my back, before I turned, regarding her with shrewd eyes.

"I proposed a deal, unless you agree to it I have no interest in being here", I stated, voice cold.

She looked taken aback, but quickly pulled herself together, pursing her lips in what I suppose was an attempt at putting up an intimidating expression. However no one did intimidating as well as grandfather, and I suppose my lack of reaction therefore was his doing.

"I have considered your proposal", she said at length, looking thoughtful.

Above all her persona exuded competence, from the way she spoke to her impeccable suit. She was someone of importance and she knew. That being said I wasn´t fooled. I felt pretty certain that at least two of the other people were currently profiling me, and they were no doubt recording my every move both on film and audio.

"I am inclined to accept, although I am uncertain as to how I can know that you are telling us the truth".

I shrugged.

"The decision is entirely up to you… and what other sources of information you may have" , I responded dryly.

Judging from her expression she had none.

"I want everything on paper", I said shortly.

She nodded, and after a quick discussion papers were written and signed. We kept one each, and I finally sat down in my designated chair, an uncomfortable sensation settling deep in my chest. This was it, I was about to tell someone other than Frankie about what had happened in the Abbey, and I knew with certainty that these people would want a much more detailed version. The thought made me feel sick.

In addition to the fact that I would have to relive the most horrific parts of a less than pleasant past was one thing, but I would also have to lie about grandfathers involvement in the Abbey. For a brief couple of seconds I toyed with the idea of telling the whole truth, but then I dismissed it. It was too complicated. If his involvement became known there would be no choice for the CIA but to go public, because the ramifications would be so large.

The moment it became public knowledge the value of the company would drop, there would be chaos, a media frenzy, and most importantly; everyone would know. They would know about me, about my past, about what I had been forced to do, to endure, and they would pity me. No, I wanted everything to disappear, and this was the best way. Perhaps not the most just way, but from my selfish perspective it was undoubtedly the best. Like I said, the jaguar is a rational creature. It is in his nature to chose the solution that best serves his perspective, and thus that is just what I did.

The woman in the chair opposite me made an imperceptible gesture with her arms, smiling sardonically at me. And, in what I perceived to be an uncharacteristic moment of playfulness she said;

"Well, come on Mr. Hiwatari, spill the beans".

"What do you want to know?" I asked, voice flat.

If I could just get through these next few hours I would be done, for good this time. It was a comforting thought. For once.

She tilted her head to the side in contemplation, hands neatly folded on the table between us.

"How about we start with Balcov Abbey, what do you know about the place?"

.

_"__Your nightmares, tell me about them."_

"_What do you see, what do you see little phoenix?" _

"_What do you see in the dark when your demons come?"_

_._

A black emptiness that ate away at me, that ruined me. That was what Balcov Abbey was to me. I am not religious, but in my mind Balvoc Abbey was the closest thing to hell a human will ever experience. For a few seconds I remained lost in my own memories, sucked into that bottomless pit of fear that would sometimes claim me when I slept. Because I did remember everything, every minute of it, right down to the gory details.

"I know a great deal", I said after a while, forcing myself to relax.

The jaguar in me was silent, observing. It remembered as well as I did, only in a different way. She looked at me, gesturing for me to go on. I watched her warily, for once letting my guard down, even if it was only for the fift of a second.

"I…I spent more than 10 years of my life there", I finally said, voice low, stonefaced.

I could tell that I had shocked her. Clearly Hiro hadn´t elaborated the exact nature of my insight. I wasn´t sure wheatear or not I should be grateful. Even Lee looked surprised. Perhaps he had guessed. He more than anyone probably had his theories of what exactly had happened to me under Voltaire Hiwatari´s care, only not to this extent.

"You…you were placed there?" The woman asked me, looking borderline rattled.

.

_"I...I see..."_

_"I see...myself"_

_._

"Yes, I believe grandfather paid Boris Balcov to keep me there, to…..train me".

I almost said tame, almost, but I couldn´t, wouldn´t use that word in front of them. It made it sound like I was…like I was some kind of wild animal. Perhaps part of me was, I don´t know. Nothing seemed clear anymore.

"Why did he put you there?" She asked me.

I could see the pity in her eyes, and it stung, it made something deep inside crumble.

"I….he was obsessed with perfection. He wanted me to be... perfect".

One of the older men at the back of the room spoke up, smiling kindly at me.

"He tried to mold you in his image?"

He sounded so…..soft, caring even. It made me furious. The jaguar was baring his teeth, radiating hostility, reacting in the only way he knew how. Tail twitching and slanted, amber eyes cool and calculated he was slyly assessing his prey, plotting his next move.

"His perception of what was perfect differed from most", I said shortly.

"Did you see him, when you were there?"

If I saw him? Of course, of course I did.

"He came almost every day, not so much the first few years but….." I trailed off.

They were all looking at me, curious, pitying, trying to be understanding when they really didn´t have any understanding at all. Emotionally I was a wreck, even though I knew that my features betrayed nothing. He had schooled me well, almost to well.

"What was life like, down there?"

"You interviewed other…..captives, you probably asked them", I said, warning them to back off.

"You wanted to know about grandfather"

I inwardly cursed myself for calling him that. Jeez, talk about giving those psychiatrist people something to work with. And furthermore he didn´t deserve being called grandfather, he just didn´t.

The man at the back looked at me; clearly he had noticed my choice of words and reacted to them. Stockholm syndrome, is that not what it is called? My mind hissed at me, outraged. How could I even bear thinking about him without hostility, after everything he had done? I didn´t know the answer, and that frightened me, although the answer might also me equally frightening.

"You were quite close, you and your grandfather?" he asked, still smiling kindly at me.

I noticed his choice of words as well. No more Voltaire Hiwatari.

"I...perhaps", I said uncertainly.

"It is completely normal to feel connected to a relative, even if he didn´t treat you as he should", the guy said.

I gave him a look.

"Normal doesn´t quite cut it", I said.

I left about four hours later, mentally exhausted after repeatedly telling them that grandfather had nothing to do with the inner workings of the Abby, apart from paying for my stay. In returned they promised to make sure Papov kept his mouth shut, and that was that. I left a free man, or as close as I would ever get I suppose. My barriers weren´t physical anymore, but somehow they were still there. Would they ever go away? I couldn´t help but wonder if I would always be like this; different, detached, confused, depending on someone that had ruined me completely, and that was now dead.

The 458 growled and roared as I drove on at blazing speeds, I was headed for Montauk, to surf. Outside it was getting darker, and by the time I arrived the sky was shimmering in all hues of violet, orange and pink. It reminded me vaguely of Morocco. My feet sunk deep into the sand as I turned of the engine and jogged over the dunes. I only had a couple of boards here, but they would do. The beach was deserted, and I stripped down to my boxers, pulling on a pair of trunks before sprinting out into the water, board in hand.

.

_._

_._

_My first instinct was total panic, but at the last moment my training kicked in, and I remained in the same position, on my back, eyes half-closed. I felt drowsy, heavy, like my entire body was full of clay. The room smelled fresh, clean, and I could feel soft sheets against my back, a soft pillow underneath my head. It was comfortable, but at the same time horrifying. _

_"How are you feeling?" He asked softly from beside me. _

_He touched my face gently, and I could feel his eyes on me, searching, admiring._

_I tried opening my mouth, tried to scream at him, but there was no sound. Actually I hand´t spoken in a while, a few months. He had punished me fore it. My lack of cooperation made him furious, and this was why I was here, freshly out of the box, exhausted. I wasn´t sure how much longer I could take it, the punishments, the relentless string of them. And for every day that passed they got worse, more creative, more sickening. _

_"You know little phoenix, that I can make it stop, all of it. You only have to answer my questions, that is all I ask"._

_Grandfathers voice was smooth, persuasive, tempting. I wanted nothing more than to give in, to just do as he asked, if only to get rid of the pain. Still, I resented myself for hit, wondered how I had been reduced to this, to doing everything he asked of me. _

_"No?" He said, voice suddenly cold again, mahogany eyes hardening. _

_We looked at each other, a short moment of defiance flashing in my eyes. He took a hold of my chin, eyes never leaving my face. _

_"Have the box prepared"._

_Then he let go, slowly turning to leave. _

_Despair gripped me, made me look around wildly, struggling to sit up. No again, I could´t take it, not once more, please...please!_

_"Wa...wait!" I said, voice hoarse._

_The words sounded strange, I could´t remember the last time I had heard myself speak. _

_He stopped abruptly, slowly turning to regard me. He was pleased. _

_Yet again he had won. He always did... _


	14. Chapter 13

**Authors note: No reviews for the previous chapter...:(? Anyways, hope you´ll like this one!**

**WARNING! CHAPTER 12 IS DRASTICALLY CHANGED; PLEASE REREAD BEFORE YOU READ THIS!**

**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW...:) I´ll try and update faster you know!**

* * *

**.**

**When it burns**

**Chapter 13**

**.**

* * *

Rey looked like shit. What exactly had gone down I had no idea, only that it had something to do with Ozuma. As per usual breakfast had been waiting for me when I returned from my customary run, pancakes, homemade bread, you know; the standard, much appreciated Rey Kon luxury breakfast that no one but him could make. If only because of his cooking I would have kept him had I been Ozuma. Then again he was obviously a jerk, so there you go.

"I can´t believe it is actually true!" Rey mumbled, looking positively crestfallen.

His hair was all over the place, and he had dark patches underneath his eyes. In other words; he looked like shit. Despite myself I actually felt genuinely sorry for him. He was a good natured, caring guy, and he was a friend, even if I was not exactly a peoples person. The fact that he was willing to put up with my moods and occasionally heartless behaviour did produce at least a sense of gratefulness on my part.

In a way I suppose Rey maintained some sort of stability in my new life after grandfather´s death. He was always there, always friendly, always watching my back, whatever that entailed. It was reassuring in way, especially now that I had the whole CIA situation to deal with. I was going there again on Monday, to talk with their psychiatrists. I tried to tell myself that it would soon be over, in a couple of weeks time, but still, it felt like eternity.

"Have you ever been cheated on before?" Rey sullenly asked me, fiddling absently with his fork.

I looked pointedly at him, unimpressed.

"Thought not", he grumbled.

Naturally self-pity didn´t sit well with me, but seeing as it was Rey I was willing to at least keep him company in his self-inflicted misery. Not that sulking would score any points with me, but I could still sympathize with him; at least a little bit. Add to the fact that I was inwardly relieved I could focus on other peoples problems rather than my own. In comparison Rey´s love life was a walk in the park.

"Maybe you could pay him a visit?" Rey suggested hopefully.

"You know, smash in his face and all that?"

Apparently Ozuma had fucked some other guy before it was over with Rey, and despite the fact that this had happened some time ago, Rey had heard it from Max the day before yesterday. Max had in turn heard it from some jerk I had never met, and he again had been told by one of Ozuma´s friends. Needless to say I hated this kind of he said she said stuff, but being uncharacteristically patient I had merely zooned out on the whole thing the moment he started explaining it.

"Oh….I´d so love to see the look on his face if you did!" Rey ventured on, grinning evilly.

With a sigh I leaned back in my chair, rubbing the back of my neck with resigned irritation.

"Why don´t you just do it yourself?"

He shook his head.

"That is the whole point Kai, I am supposed to show him that I don´t give a shit. But if some hot guy shows up to support me….well, you know, It´ll make him jealous. Especially if it is you".

I stared at him, puzzled.

"And besides you have the meanest backhand I know".

Sometimes Rey came to conclusions that seemed totally foreign to me, although I was vaguely aware that even if I didn´t, I should have gotten it from the start. It was that part of me, the one grandfather had ruined, that sometimes struggled to grasp what others saw as the most basic things in life. Part of me would occasionally get incredibly frustrated by it, but with Rey present it was not really the time to dwell on the inner workings of my mind.

"I think he knows that I am not gay", I said, staring at him in confusion, still not getting it.

Rey looked at me, sighed heavily, hiding his face behind his hands in a gesture of complete exasperation.

"That is irrelevant! What I need is some hot guy to beat him up while his friends watch, that is all!"

"Why?"

He slammed both fists into the surface of the table, and I watched with a certain fascination as my cup of coffee literally jumped, black liquid splashing over Rey´s hand. He automatically stood to clean up the mess, and I took another bite of my pancake, deciding that perhaps it was better if I didn´t understand.

"Because Kai, in some strange, mean way it´ll make me feel better. So, there you go, I am a terrible person!"

He was getting dramatic again. I had a vague memory of him being like this the night before, when everyone had gathered at Tyson´s for a beer after I returned from Montauk.

"You are not a terrible person, at least not…..compared to…", I said trailed off, not realizing what I had said before it was too late.

Fuck!

Hiwatari you idiot!

I started picking at my food again, hoping to distract both him and myself. Rey, being his usual observant self had of course registered my slip almost immediately. It had not been a joke, although I had meant it to come out as one. Like I said, I am not a peoples person, and my behaviour is sometimes a bit…..strange, at least in the eyes of others. It had been some time since we had talked, really talked. The closest he had been to confronting me about my past was the day before grandfathers death, and this was over two years ago.

"I wish you´d talk to me", he said at length, having paused by the counter, coffee soaked tissue in hand.

"Really talk", he added when he caught my expression.

With a certain strain I wolfed down the rest of my breakfast, proceeding to stand. Better to escape before this turned into something. Yeah, sure, I was a coward, but right now I just couldn´t take anymore ripping up in the past. I had enough on my mind. Tonight I was having dinner with Frankie´s parents, and I was nervous as hell, I didn´t need this, not right now.

"I am not a talker", I responded, stalking out of the kitchen to brush my teeth.

"Oh but I´ll make you talk!" He called after me.

"Fuck off Kon".

I was off to work, but I didn´t stay there for long. After making a quick round and looking through a few reports I left. Everything was running smoothly, especially after I got rid of all the suspicious businesses that grandfather had accumulated over the years. He had undoubtedly had less than honourable plans for them, and I was pleased to see that Hiwatari enterprises were thriving without them.

I was making more money than I had ever thought possible, and although money was not something I was very interested in it did give a certain satisfaction knowing that I could run the business on my own. All the same; I had been groomed to do this, if I couldn´t then I certainly would be a failure, both to myself…..and to him.

The last thought came unbidden, although it was always there at the back of my mind, an ever nagging reminder. It was with a sense of intense bitterness that I acknowledged the extent of his influence. Had it not been for him I wouldn´t possess a third of the skills I had today.

Despite myself I was grateful in a way, even if I probably shouldn´t. It was all I knew, the only existence I could understand without confusion. I hated it, and I hated him, but deep down I still couldn´t let go, and that was when I actually acknowledged it for the first time.

Yes…..I did…miss him, grandfather.

I felt detached suddenly, empty, like a shell. Perhaps it was a defence mechanism, I don´t know. The headlights of the 458 lit up, its striking appearance producing at least a slight hint of….something. I sunk down in the drivers seat, briefly closing my eyes, exhaling, inhaling deeply. My throat felt constricted, tight, like something was blocking it. I blinked a couple of times, my eyes felt strange…..wet? Was…was I crying? The sensation was so unfamiliar that I didn´t understand it at first. Instead I caught a glint of my own face in the rear-view, cringing at the sight, disgusted.

An after-reaction I told myself, you are just in shock after yesterdays meeting. It is nothing, nothing at all. Pull yourself together for fucks sake!

I ran one hand awkwardly through my already messy hair, trying to calm my frantic breathing. It wasn´t working. With a certain desperation I rummaged around in the glove compartment until I found a pack of mint flavoured chewing gum that belonged to Frankie. I took two, chewing like there was no tomorrow. Man, what the fuck was wrong with me? I was a wreck, a complete wreck. With shaking hands I wiped away the tears, starting the engine before backing up. The familiar hum of the V8 felt oddly reassuring, and I grimaced at the unfamiliar, minty feel of the gum. I felt ashamed, stupid….weak….. I don´t know, everything was just messed up.

My timing was completely off, but I still drove out of town, drawn in that particular direction like a moth towards a flame. I hadn´t been there in a while, there had been too many other things to think about. Not that I had forgotten, how could I? Everything considered I felt a bit better about myself, and in an uncharacteristic moment of childishness I spat the gum out of the car-window.

Outside it was all warm and sunny, and as I drove slowly through the now familiar neighbourhood the strange sensation in my throat returned. Was this what he had taken from me? Looking around at the well kept houses, children and families having a good time in their gardens, basking in the sun, I did feel a sense of loss.

It was strange, how can you miss something you have never had?

I parked a cross the street again, surreptitiously eying the yellow house on the other side. It looked the same as last time, welcoming, homey. A Land Cruiser was parked in the driveway, and I could see the silhouettes of people through the kitchen windows. I wondered if she was there, my mother. Would she remember me? Did she ever think about me?

Questions, questions, an endless stream of them. There was so much I wanted to know, to ask her. Like why she left me, who my father was, why had she not contacted me after grandfather´s death? I looked over at the house again, debating wheatear or not to approach. Deep down I knew I shouldn´t. I was still all riled up after yesterday, or perhaps just in general. With a certain restlessness I tapped my fingers against the steering wheel. What to do?

My broodings were disturbed by a sudden knocking on the window, and I abruptly looked up, startled. I rarely got distracted like this, and I inwardly cursed myself for not paying better attention to my surroundings. Shit!

I man in his early thirties was standing outside, looking at me with a combination of curiosity and suspicion. He looked like he was military, with the classic haircut and the demeanour of someone that was used to being obeyed. I rolled down the window, feeling slightly apprehensive. This was not good, part of me felt like a child that had just been caught doing something he shouldn´t. Judging by the guys expression he was thinking the same thing.

"Hi there, can I help you with something?" He asked, voice friendly but with an edge.

For a tense couple of seconds my mind went completely blank, before I quickly got my shit together.

"I think I might be lost", I said, cursing my own stupidity.

That had to be the lamest excuse ever.

"Lost?" He repeated, not looking convinced at all.

"I have seen you here before, at least the car".

He gave the 458 an appraising look, and I schooled my features, staring blankly at him.

"You must be mistaken, I have never been here before", I said shortly.

We looked at each other, and I exploited the moments silence to start the engine.

"I have to get going"

"But you said you were lost…." His voice disappeared as I rudely drove off without another word.

I watched the guy disappear in the rear-view, standing on the sidewalk looking after me. Damn! For some irrational reason I burst out laughing. It was ridiculous. With a shaky inhale of breath I blasted onto the highway. This time I drove home. Rey was not present, and with some relief I jogged upstairs to shower. I needed some alone time before heading over to Frankie´s. It wasn´t that I was nervous, not exactly. There was merely something about social situations that exhausted me, and particularly when I felt that I had to be on my best behaviour. I was seeing her parents after all, and I really wanted this to work. Thus making a good first impression was essential.

I really had to pull my shit together. No weird stuff this time. I cringed at the awfully fresh memory of the guy outside my supposed mother´s house. How stupid could one be? In my somewhat unstable state of mind I hadn´t even considered the possibility that driving a Ferrari into suburbia could possibly attract attention. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Anyway, the guy had only seen me there what, twice? I would just have to maintain a low profile in the future, and perhaps drive another car.

I pondered what had happened for sometime, wondering wheatear or not it would be safe to return there. Quite frankly the whole thing was a bit…..depressing. Some neighbour was suspicious of me, and thus I wasn´t sure if it was safe to visit my own mother, whom I had never met, and who had no interest in seeing me. Right.

Sooner or later I would have to confront her, I knew that. Normally I preferred the straight forward approach, but somehow everything had been turned upside down. Part of me was full of hatred over the fact that she had not searched me out, that she had left me with him. And then on the other hand I was still hoping, as naive as that may be.

.

.

.

"_You really are beautiful!" He marvelled, eyes glittering. _

_I didn´t respond. What was I supposed to say? He was circling me like a predator stalking his prey, and although I was distinctly uncomfortable I didn´t show it. _

_They had taken my clothes, and I was standing in the middle of the room, naked, goose-bumps rising on my arms._

_It was humiliating, and with a sense of bittersweet rage I was forced to stand there until he gestured at me to put my clothes back on. I dressed quickly, eyes downcast. Modesty was something I rarely felt. In Balcov Abbey you never showered or dressed alone. Either you were surrounded by other "students" or in my case, guards. _

_That being said grandfather intimidated me to such an extent that I felt awkward and inadequate in everything I did whenever he was present. In addition to the fact that his fascination with me was not normal. Granted that he had never touched me in a sexual way, but deep down I was terrified that one day he would. _

_It was in his eyes, a desire, and I knew it had something to do with me. Whenever he looked at me I felt it, and thus I detached myself further from reality, brooding. _

_Grandfather looked thoughtfully at me, clearly contemplating something. _

"_Sit", he said at length, gesturing at a nearby chair. _

_I did as I was told, forcing myself to relax when he came to stand behind me, resting both hands on my shoulders. The touch made my skin crawl, and I couldn´t quite supress the scowl, jaw tightening. If I had only been able to bring the switchblade I had hidden in my cell…..if only…_

"_You know little phoenix, that you are nothing like your father", he said, sounding pleased. _

_He had my attention in a heartbeat. My father, a man I had never met, someone I couldn´t even remember. Grandfather held all the pieces on the chess board, all the cards in our everlasting game. He knew that I craved information above all else, almost as much as my own freedom. It was so tempting, oh so tempting, to just ask him, to take the bait. _

_An amused chuckle was heard as he felt the unmistakable tension return to my now rigid shoulders. _

"_Curious are you?" He questioned, voice silky smooth, on the edge of menacing. _

"_Yes grandfather", I dutifully responded, voice flat, but with a brittle quality to it that he immediately picked up on. _

_He moved his hand further up, resting it at the base of my neck. I resisted the urge to shudder in disgust. Not only because of him, but because I, in my extreme loneliness, despite all the things he had done to me, got some sort of strange messed up comfort out of it. It confused me, bothered me. I hated his touch, but deep down I also craved it._

"_Well then, if you could ask one question, what would it be?"_

_I dug my nails into my palms almost as a reflex to his question, the slight stinging sensation clearing my mind a bit. _

_Here we go again, the games, him playing and manipulating. _

_I shouldn´t answer, shouldn´t say anything. However what you should do and what you want to do does not always coincide. There were so many things I wanted to know, so much he could tell me, but that he never would. Don´t, don´t do it, it is not going to get you anywhere! But no, I couldn´t resist, I had to ask, had to at least try. _

"_What was he like…my…father?"_

_I sounded more insecure than I would have liked, but it was too late for that now. _

_He laughed out loud, affectionately riffling my hair. _

"_He was a pitiful creature, scared and dull, average intelligence, overweight….."._

_I didn´t dare look at him. The venom in his voice was unmistakable. He had taken my father´s failure as a Hiwatari personally, even if it had nothing to do with him. I felt sick. He left me in the chair, agitatedly pacing back and forth. I stood up, following his movements from the corner of my eyes. _

"_He was never worthy of being a Hiwatari to begin with"._

_He paused, looking straight at me. _

"_You on the other hand…you are perfect"_

"_Everything I could have ever wanted"….._

_._

_._

_._

* * *

**_Reviews, pretty please!;)_**


End file.
